He works tirelessly.
16 hours per day is not enough for him. Time flies by. He needs more time. His startup is getting behind the competition.
[[The Artist]]He just wants to draw.
Thousands of dollars spent on art books and video courses. Thousands of gigabytes of pirated art books, courses and tutorials that he downloaded from torrents.
He doesn’t want to be the best, this is no competition, he wants to be good. But he is a perfectionist.
[[The Gamer]]He loves videogame.
Two thousand games in his Steam library. Yeah most came from sales and bundles, but still, that’s a lot of games. He never knows what to play.
[[The Others]]And then there is the musician, the biologist, the lover.
The fisherman and the writer.
A programmer and an entrepreneur.
[[Perfectionism burns out practice]]His perfectionism is blocking him from learning and practicing. 12 years he says, //"TWELVE FREAKING YEARS trying to learn how to draw, and I never finished even a single drawing. I know, I know what I must do. But I get burned out quickly. Frustrated. All those external stupid USB HDs lying around with a billion courses and materials, and they are useless for me, because I never grab the pencil and DRAW.”//
[[Funded and Growing]]2 million dollars in funding raised. Organic growth. Everyone wants his product. And he is not just a businessman, he has 22 years of programming experience. He can create his thing very quickly.
[[Frustrating Games]]Downloaded and launched another game from his Steam library. 10 minutes in, ALT+F4. //“This thing is fucking frustrating, I should be creating and producing something instead”.//
[[The Reader]]This one has hundreds of Kindle books. At least he can read and finish books in the bathroom while doing his thing. Self help, sci-fi, novels, James Patterson, H. G. Wells, Lovecraft.
[[The Journalist]]//“I should be nature journaling everyday.”// Jack Laws says it helps in every area of your life.
But he has stage fright. And the only green areas near him are parks in the middle of the city, with hundreds to thousands of persons.
//"I should drive to the countryside to some bird watching."//
[[Sleep Less]]
//“I need to work more. If I cut off just 2 more hours away from sleep I can now work 18 hour per day. Investors are getting pissed off. We’re losing market interest. We’re never going to launch. Oh damn, another member from our team left the company. I hate this shit. I’ve should never started it in the first place.”//
[[Want Pencil]]//“I JUST WANTED TO DRAW SOMETHING.”//
[[The Musician]]//“Why did I stop learning to play the piano? Why did I sell my piano? I want to learn how to play again…”.//
He quitted 4 years ago. Now he wants it back.
[[Programmer Gamer]]
//“… programming is killing me. It is so damn frustrating. I’ll get back to Steam… oh not again. I should be working. So walking back….”//
[[Finally Learning]]
//“NO. JUST NO. NO. NO. NO. Why, just why… oh this is so cool.”//
[[He is a failure]]Quit. Just quit.
[[On the news... almost]]//“Oh, this is amazing. This is the best product I’ve ever created. I’m glad I kept building this startup.”//
That TechCrunch article is coming soon.
[[Another failed guy]]//“NO. NO. NO. I’m so frustrated. I’m so burned out. I’ll never finish this.”//
[[Homeless]]They all freeze scared to death of going homeless.
//"This won't work out. It will fail. And I'll end up living under the bridge. I'll be homeless and everyone else that is close to me will also be homeless thanks to me. It is already too late... oh man, what am I going to say to them?"//
//“This will never pay my bills. I should get back to work.”//
[[Big Boys Don't Cry]]They always remember Mark Cuban and Elon Musk. //“They would never think things like these. They are always working and moving forward. MOVE ON. 100 hours per week for whatever you are doing. JUST DO IT."//
//"Easy for you to say"//. No, they were also just like you. Started from the bottom and then they are there now.
[[Pain]]<h2>AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
...</h2>
[[Family]]... He can’t quit. His wife is at his side again. She has always been, for whatever crazy shit he is going to do, she is ''instantly 100% in'', without questioning.
Even if that means going through hard financial times again. And those crazy guys' pets or children or parents. They love those guys so much. If those guys suffer, they all suffer.
[[Mind Games]]//“Will I ever learn this? I can’t even start practicing. My mind is tricking me.”//
[[Light]]//“I can finish this so easily, I’ve been doing it for the past 22 years! HELL YEAH! ANOTHER CUSTOMER JOINED THE WAITING LIST! Let’s do this!”//
[[Uncle Zuck]]//“Damn, why did I drop law school? And then I also dropped veterinary?"//
He keeps going back to previous self-imposed failures. But he knows he doesn't need any of that formal academic crap. He can just ''do it'' and make it happen, just like Mark Zuckerberg.
[[Not anymore]]<h2>AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH</h2>
...
Just. Quit. Just Stop.
Just Feel the Pain...
......
[["They" are just "One"]]''Bipolar'' and ''a bunch of personas'' living inside his mind.
His mind is like ''a small world apart from the outer world''. And the mind of each persona is another small world within itself.
He is sure he could be a billionaire that draws and plays games. And that at the weekends can go out nature journaling. And also play some music, love his wife and his dogs, read some crazy fiction.
But each of his personas want to be the president. They don't know how to live in an ordered society. In harmony. No, they know how to WAR.
[[Final Decision]]He thinks he has just 2 choices. What do you think?
[[Keep Going]]
[[Suicide Later]] The same rollercoaster for the past 30 years.
A billion things and projects and learning projects started. None finished. All abandoned halfway.
Just finished enough to pay the bills, and keep a mediocre (but not miserable) life.
He could have accomplished so much more... so much potential. So much energy.
He couldn't stand it anymore.
But he should've thought about his wife and dogs before doing that. Their life is destroyed. Poor woman, always at his side. Always embarking on his crazy journeys but she always believed in his potential and his projects. She always saw they traveling around the world, because he would accomplish so much very soon.
His dog is in depression. He followed him everywhere, everyday.
That was so selfish. //"Why did he do that? He always always so happy, laughing all the time, working a lot.// That's what they thought, because he never told anyone of his internal army.
But now it is too late for him to tell them anyway.
[[The End]]There is no delaying. It is now or never. It will happen eventually if he keeps living like this.
His current projects and endeavours will end in the graveyard as well. So, there is no delaying.
[[Suicide Now<-Suicide Now]]He can't keep riding this rollercoaster anymore. He either kills the personas and finally lives quietly and fully or puts an end to all of it.
He takes some heavy medicine already, it's been almost 4 hours. He trusts his psychiatrist.
But he feels that everything is the same. His inner small world is still driving him insane. Still messing up all of his life projects. Professional and personal ones. Serious and fun ones.
He doesn't want to keep going.
[[Final Decision<-Choose Again]]Not a story anymore:
This is me. It was very hard for me to write this. I cried writing it, specially when I wrote about my wife's pain with my decision.
But unfortunately as soon I publish this, I'm going to do it.
PS: I'm probably not alive anymore as you play this, sorry.