Choose your character. Who will you play as?
[[Jin Jones]] - a fourth-year college student
[[Kevin Volstok]] - a single fitness instructor
Your alarm blares, beating on a drum that screeches of urgency.
It’s nothing short of a miracle that you’ve survived this week: midterms, group projects, job applications. Every deadline in the world fell in your lap at the same time as if whoever ran things up above hated you.
But it was done, over with, //fini//. Your alarm comes back into mind as your eyes struggle to keep open. Oh boy, this new tempurpedic pillow from mom is nice. Too nice. Your blankets are warm, your room is still draped in darkness as even the sun itself struggles to rise… it’d be so nice just to go back to sleep, wouldn't it?
[[Wake Up]]
[[Five More Minutes]]You force your eyes open, rolling over to silence that alarm and face the day.
It was honestly a pretty simple day of events: one class, probably two hours of work at the library and then pure, unadulterated nothing. You fold your blankets back over the bed, setting it up for a nice nap in the near future. The first thing you do, as with every morning, is open up your laptop for some youtube videos. A red box with a white arrow stares back at you as your barely functioning brain thinks of what to watch while you get ready.
What do you watch?
[[News Recaps]]
[[Makeup Tutorials]]
[[Late Night Comedy Show Clips]]
[[Gaming Stream]]You sleep for another ten minutes, it doesn't really make a difference but it does feel nice to be defiant and lay there a few moments longer.
Eventually you force your eyes open, rolling over to silence the snooze alarm and face the day. It was a simple day of events: one class, probably two hours of work at the library and then pure, unadulterated nothing. You fold your blankets back over the bed, setting it up for a nice nap in the near future. The first thing you do, as with every morning, is open up your laptop for some youtube videos. A red box with a white arrow stares back at you as your barely functioning brain thinks of what to watch while you get ready.
What do you watch?
[[News Recaps]]
[[Makeup Tutorials]]
[[Late Night Comedy Show Clips]]
[[Gaming Stream]]Your favorite news youtuber jumps right into it and begins going through the latest global tragedies.
It's not the happiest stuff but you appreciate the youtuber's frank demeanor and honesty when announcing their opionion.
As it plays you prepare for your morning like it’s any other day. You toss some cheerios in a bowl, pour in the milk about halfway to the bowl’s lid (nothing worse than soggy cereal), you even grab your makeup bag from the drawer in preparation. The video continues playing and you catch yourself sucked in by its content. Once your cereal has been devoured you begin in on the makeup. You think for a moment about what look you want to go for.
[[Let’s go bold! It is Friday…]]
[[Did somebody say black winged eyeliner?]]
[[Eh, keep it casual.]]The makeup tutorial begins to play.
It's a woman you've been watching for a while; she always tries new things and while you don't neccesarily copy the look you enjoy having someone talking in the background while you get ready.
As the woman begins to go into her latest life drama, you prepare for your morning like it’s any other day. You toss some cheerios in a bowl, pour in the milk about halfway to the bowl’s lid (nothing worse than soggy cereal), you even grab your makeup bag from the drawer in preparation. The video continues playing and you catch yourself sucked in by its content. Once your cereal has been devoured you begin in on the makeup. You think for a moment about what look you want to go for.
[[Let’s go bold! It is Friday…]]
[[Did somebody say black winged eyeliner?]]
[[Eh, keep it casual.]]Last week's //Daily Show// begins to play and you listen as Trevor Noah comments on the depressing state of world affairs. At least his jokes distract you for a minute from how messed up the world is right now.
As Trevor continues with a joke about Mitch McConnell looking like a turtle, you prepare for your morning like it’s any other day. You toss some cheerios in a bowl, pour in the milk about halfway to the bowl’s lid (nothing worse than soggy cereal), you even grab your makeup bag from the drawer in preparation. The video continues playing and you catch yourself sucked in by its content. Once your cereal has been devoured you begin in on the makeup. You think for a moment about what look you want to go for.
[[Let’s go bold! It is Friday…]]
[[Did somebody say black winged eyeliner?]]
[[Eh, keep it casual.]]Your favorite streamer begins their classic intro and if you weren't so tired today you'd announce it right back .
You still remember the first time you donated while they were live on the stream - they were playing some Grand Theft Auto RP and said your name as your donation popped on-screen. It still feels a bit unreal even as you remember it.
You toss some cheerios in a bowl, pour in the milk about halfway to the bowl’s lid (nothing worse than soggy cereal), you even grab your makeup bag from the drawer in preparation. The video continues playing and you catch yourself sucked in by its content. Once your cereal has been devoured you begin in on the makeup. You think for a moment about what look you want to go for.
[[Let’s go bold! It is Friday…]]
[[Did somebody say black winged eyeliner?]]
[[Eh, keep it casual.]]You apply a bright shade of lipstick to your pouted lips and add an electric blue eyeshadow for a bold face.
Your stare is intense in the mirror as you carefully apply the makeup products. The video is still playing in the background and again it hits you how glad you are that it’s Friday. It’s been such a long, damn week and you desperately needed some downtime. You’re hoping your psychology professor might cut class early today, he’s been looking a little worn out too. You’re nearing the time for class and it’s time to put on some clothes.
[[Pair the new white skirt you bought yesterday with a yellow cardigan?]]
[[It’s getting chilly… dare you say it's finally sweater and leggings season?]]
[[Sweatpants. It’s college. You’re tired.]]It's a classic and you can't help it as your hand does what it's been trained to do - a simple black cat eye.
The look never fails and your stare is quite intense in the mirror as you carefully apply the makeup products. The video is still playing in the background and again it hits you how glad you are that it’s Friday. It’s been such a long, damn week and you desperately needed some downtime. You’re hoping your psychology professor might cut class early today, he’s been looking a little worn out too. You’re nearing the time for class and it’s time to put on some clothes.
[[Pair the new white skirt you bought yesterday with a yellow cardigan?]]
[[It’s getting chilly… dare you say it's finally sweater and leggings season?]]
[[Sweatpants. It’s college. You’re tired.]]You apply a nude colored lip, channeling your inner Kardashian and stick to just a few swipes of mascara.
Your stare is intense in the mirror as you carefully apply the makeup products. The video is still playing in the background and again it hits you how glad you are that it’s Friday. It’s been such a long, damn week and you desperately needed some downtime. You’re hoping your psychology professor might cut class early today, he’s been looking a little worn out too. You’re nearing the time for class and it’s time to put on some clothes.
[[Pair the new white skirt you bought yesterday with a yellow cardigan?]]
[[It’s getting chilly… dare you say it's finally sweater and leggings season?]]
[[Sweatpants. It’s college. You’re tired.]]You head out to class feeling good about today, the air was cold but such was life in midwestern Ohio.
By 2:00 PM, you figured, it’d feel like 80 degrees.
Your mom always complained about the weather here, calling it an unpredictable tease. It’s only a fifteen minute walk from your apartment to campus. You’re about ready to put your headphones in to listen to some good beats on your Spotify but then you remember back to the postings you’ve seen around the neighborhood. There have been reports of a man groping and following young women on their way to campus.
[[You’d better not… let’s just stay alert.]]
[[Who cares? It’s not going to happen to you, pop in your headphones.]]You head out to class feeling good about today, the air was cold but such was life in midwestern Ohio.
By 2:00 PM, you figured, it’d feel like 80 degrees.
Your mom always complained about the weather here, calling it an unpredictable tease. It’s only a fifteen minute walk from your apartment to campus. You’re about ready to put your headphones in to listen to some good beats on your Spotify but then you remember back to the postings you’ve seen around the neighborhood. There have been reports of a man groping and following young women on their way to campus.
[[You’d better not… let’s just stay alert.]]
[[Who cares? It’s not going to happen to you, pop in your headphones.]]You head out to class feeling good about today, the air was cold but such was life in midwestern Ohio.
By 2:00 PM, you figured, it’d feel like 80 degrees.
Your mom always complained about the weather here, calling it an unpredictable tease. It’s only a fifteen minute walk from your apartment to campus. You’re about ready to put your headphones in to listen to some good beats on your Spotify but then you remember back to the postings you’ve seen around the neighborhood. There have been reports of a man groping and following young women on their way to campus.
[[You’d better not… let’s just stay alert.]]
[[Who cares? It’s not going to happen to you, pop in your headphones.]]You decide it’s better not to risk anything. You’ve heard stories about this part of town and even though it’s the morning you wonder if it’s not still too close to the night that you should have brought your pepper spray. God, you hate this walk.
As you continue down the street towards campus you pass the construction zone for a new apartment block. The men are already out and preparing materials. A group of them are talking casually in the middle of the sidewalk as you approach, you pray they’ll get out of your way but they continue to stand there.
“You can walk through us,” the one snickers.
It’s probably not worth saying anything, and you try to push past, but not before one whistles and comments on your outfit, “I love me a slut with my breakfast.”
You wish you had put headphones in to ignore them but you heard it loud and clear.
[[Keep walking.]]
[[Flip them off.]]
You put in your headphones and continue walking, scrolling through your playlists to pick out whichever one you were feeling today.
[[Beyonce always gets you inspired for the day!]]
[[The Smiths because Ohio is gray and cold and sometimes that’s what you want to hear]]
[[Even though you’ve been listening to it 24/7 for the past two years… Hamilton?]]
You press play and the music begins, instantly livening your trip to class. Every time you have music in you feel like you’re a part of a movie.
Obviously you were the young, cute college girl walking to class in the film. Maybe the love interest character just got done talking about you to their group of friends and is wondering what you’re off to.
Then the scene begins, right to this song.
The director in you starts imagining the sequence of images, an overhead camera flying from you to an overview of the campus… you slow down just for a minute as a weird feeling settles in your stomach.
You look around as casually as you can. Something doesn’t feel right. There’s a man on the other side of the street. He pauses as you do and that uncomfortable feeling intensifies. Who is he? Is he looking at you?
[[Take out the headphones, you need to be alert.]]You press play and the music begins, instantly livening your trip to class. Every time you have music in you feel like you’re a part of a movie.
Obviously you were the young, cute college girl walking to class in the film. Maybe the love interest character just got done talking about you to their group of friends and is wondering what you’re off to.
Then the scene begins, right to this song.
The director in you starts imagining the sequence of images, an overhead camera flying from you to an overview of the campus… you slow down just for a minute as a weird feeling settles in your stomach.
You look around as casually as you can. Something doesn’t feel right. There’s a man on the other side of the street. He pauses as you do and that uncomfortable feeling intensifies. Who is he? Is he looking at you?
[[Take out the headphones, you need to be alert.]]You press play and the music begins, instantly livening your trip to class.
Every time you have music in you feel like you’re a part of a movie. Obviously you were the young, cute college girl walking to class in the film. Maybe the love interest character just got done talking about you to their group of friends and is wondering what you’re off to.
Then the scene begins, right to this song.
The director in you starts imagining the sequence of images, an overhead camera flying from you to an overview of the campus… you slow down just for a minute as a weird feeling settles in your stomach.
You look around as casually as you can. Something doesn’t feel right. There’s a man on the other side of the street. He pauses as you do and that uncomfortable feeling intensifies. Who is he? Is he looking at you?
[[Take out the headphones, you need to be alert.]]You take out your headphones as you continue on to class.
It’s just not worth it to feel that way, not until you get on campus and there are more people around at least.
You continue on in silence.
[[Keep walking.]]
You finally arrive at the university.
Students pass by, a few eagerly chatting with each other but the majority seem lost in their own worlds. Your class is fairly close and you reach the old building with ease.
Inside, life continues on as it does.
The professor plays his random assortment of music before the class begins, letting students file in and get settled for his animated lectures. Your laptop sits open as you wait and you're not quite sure if you want to pay attention today or not. It's Friday, there wouldn't be anything wrong with just slacking off would it?
[[Surf the web]]
[[Pay attention and take notes]]
[[This is prime online shopping hour!]]You throw up your middle finger and hope they get the message, all you hear are a few more whistles, laughs and a very loud and directed, “Love you too, bitch.”
That word feels awful whenever you hear, like everything you do or say is just invalidated by what it reduces you to. You continue on in silence.
[[Keep walking.]]This is an interactive choose-your-own adventure which involves several difficult, graphic and upsetting topics. If you feel uncomfortable at any time please exit out of the browser and engage in a practice of self care for yourself.
The goal of this game is to have its reader experience, through the medium of a second-person video game, just a few of the scenarios different human beings face every single day involving sexual violence. These stories cannot speak for every identity and in our unfortunate reality are just a few in a sea of many. If you, a coworker, friend, family member, or a person who has confided in you about such topics, find yourself in need of support and help please look to the following resources.
You are not alone. The creators of this game want to offer our voices in the fight against sexual violence because, yes, us too.
[[Choose Your Character]] His tests are fairly easy anyways.
You decide to do what millenials do best and enter the realm of clickholes.
The first site you head to is Twitter, because, *of course*. You're clicking through the headlines, noting quite a few that seem to be memeing the last football team your school dominated.
It's all good fun until you start getting a few instant messages from your mom. She needs help streaming Netflix onto the TV, her questions are long and unrelated... but you love the woman and she sure is more exciting than this class. What do you send back to help her?
[["按紫色按钮。"]]
[["You need to press the purple button"]]You decide to be a good student and actually pay attention. How boring though...
He seems to be hammering home how important the fusion between government and religion is in helping people feel secure. It's a routine bringing-the-main-idea-to-a-point moment and you take some key notes during moments where he seems particularly motivated.
The class isn't awful and it's easy to pay attention with all the emphasis he puts on main concepts.
Eventually it ends and you find yourself for the openness you've ended your day with.
[[Go home and take a quick nap?]]
[[Message the Groupme, who is going out?]]
[[Get some work done before it's time to live it up?]]Oh yes! It's time for online shopping - we love to see it.
You look in front of you and see the girl in front of you has the right idea as she peruses the Kate Spade sale.
Which site do you go to?
[[Sephora.com ?]]
[[Amazon.com ?]]
[[Nike.com ?]]Long day. Much tired.
You realize you've not done much but sleep today, but to hell with it - your generation isn't about to kill sleeping too, is it?
You decide to take a nice long nap, knowing once you're up and refreshed a super fun night will take place.
Your alarm eventually goes off at 4:50, ten minutes before Jasmine's pregame is supposed to start.
[[Change into a new outfit?]]
[[Re-apply makeup?]]
[[Let's go!]]You open your phone as you leave the room.
You type a classic, "Hello ladies, where are we heading to tonight?"
Your phone notifies you that Jenna is replying, quickly sending you her response shortly after, "Mike's! Pre-game at Jasmine's!"
"What time," you ask, trying to figure out how you'll spend your evening until then.
"Five?"
The day is yours until then...
[[Go home and take a quick nap?]]
[[Get some work done before it's time to live it up?]]You decide to get some work done since you know the pregame is later at Jasmine's...
Homework is boring but it does feel nice to get out of the way before a fun weekend. You work on different tasks: that math problem for calc, the weekly psych questions and you take note of an upcoming English exam over Hamlet.
Damn, you're productive! What now?
[[Go home and take a quick nap?]]
She thanks you for the easy answer.
Her English isn't the best and you know it's easier to just explain it in the language you grew up with. Your laptop had an easy language switch button, which made it fairly easy to stay in contact with your family.
You sigh as you glance between her messages and the clock, just five more minutes.
It's strange, you rarely thought about your family's history while at school. It didn't come up often, and on the rare occasion it did it was because someone had asked. You are proud of where you're from and the work your parents put in, but it's not something that even occurs to you until you're back home for the holidays.
You overhear the teacher requesting a brief sign-in poll online, like he does every class, and you know that's the signal class is over. It's finally time to start enjoying the weekend.
[[Go home and take a quick nap?]]
[[Message the Groupme, who is going out?]]
[[Get some work done before it's time to live it up?]]She responds back even more confused.
Her English isn't the best, but you were hoping it was a simple enough direction. Now she's changing subjects, complaining in Chinese about you not speaking enough of the language and losing your heritage.
You sigh as you glance between her messages and the clock, just five more minutes. Honestly, you rarely thought about your family's history while at school. It didn't come up, or if it did it was because someone had asked. You are proud of where you're from and the work your parents put in, but it's not something that even occurs to you until you're back home for the holidays.
The teacher requests a brief sign-in poll online, like he does every class, and you know that's the signal class is over. It's finally time to start enjoying the weekend.
[[Go home and take a quick nap?]]
[[Message the Groupme, who is going out?]]
[[Get some work done before it's time to live it up?]]You go to Sephora.com because VIB's just have to play that game.
You go directly for the sale page and start scrolling through the weekly deals. Makeup is dangerous - especially luxury makeup on sale.
It certainly keeps you occupied during class and you're surprised when you hear people around you packing up as he finished up his farewell for the day. Now the day is yours!
[[Go home and take a quick nap?]]
[[Message the Groupme, who is going out?]]
[[Get some work done before it's time to live it up?]]Oh, good choice, it's never too early to work on your holiday wishlist - mom asks every year anyways.
You start scrolling through everything from a new TV stand to some books to a surprisingly cute tupperware set.
It certainly keeps you occupied during class and you're surprised when you hear people around you packing up as he finished up his farewell for the day. Now the day is yours!
[[Go home and take a quick nap?]]
[[Message the Groupme, who is going out?]]
[[Get some work done before it's time to live it up?]]Ah, Nike. An awesome brand with an awesome message.
You start scrolling through their sneaker page always loving the lighter colored shoes, even if those are the first to get all dirtied up.
It certainly keeps you occupied during class and you're surprised when you hear people around you packing up as he finished up his farewell for the day. Now the day is yours!
[[Go home and take a quick nap?]]
[[Message the Groupme, who is going out?]]
[[Get some work done before it's time to live it up?]]
You look into your closet, picking out a cute tank and pairing it with a long sweater - it's cold but you don't want to wear a jacket.
The look screams "casual but put-together" and you're ready to slay the party with it.
[[Let's go!]]
[[Re-apply makeup?]] You already look flawless but a little touch-up never hurt anyone.
After touching up your mascara and applying a little lip tint you're ready to go so far as your looks are concerned.
[[Let's go!]]
[[Change into a new outfit?]] You go!
The walk isn't far at all and it's uneventful - //thank god//.
There's more people wandering about as they get home from class and prepare to get involved with the same underage drinking activities as yourself.
Before you know it you're at Jasmine's apartment, it's a really cute place.
[[Knock on her door!]]Jasmine opens the door and is so excited to see you, "Hey girl!"
You smile back and give her a hug as you get a look at everyone giggling and chatting about the music videos on the television. They're holding those classic red solo cups and before you can even think about getting a drink, Jasmine thrusts one to you and you find a place on the couch.
The girls all turn to you and compliment your appearance - damn, you love these ladies!
Jenna casually strikes up conversation, "So what were you up to today, Jin?"
[["Just took a nap"]]
[["I studied and got some homework done"]]Jenna laughs, "I love how you're not like those //other// Asians here who just study all the time."
Jasmine nods, "Yeah, they always look great though, just like you."
You feel uncomfortable by those words...
[[Say nothing, you don't want to upset your friends.]]
[["That's kinda problematic, you know?"]]Jenna laughs, "That's so Asian of you," she giggles before taking another sip of her drink, "studying on a Friday..."
Even Jasmine nods, "You're not in China, dude, no need to waste a good Friday."
You feel uncomfortable by those words...
[[Say nothing, you don't want to upset your friends.]]
[["That's kinda problematic, you know?"]]You let it slide.
Being that "SJW" voice in the room is never fun and besides, they don't mean anything by it right?
It might hurt but it's not, like, *super racist*, oh well. You stare down at your drink as the conversation starts up again.
[[It's Friday! Down that Juice!]]
[[Sip it, Friday nights are marathons]]
[[Don't touch it.]]They stare at you, blinking slowly.
Obviously they weren't expecting you to call them on it. So often you feel like you pass in "white" society and it can feel weird to be confronted with what makes you different. Still, even in the awkwardness, you're glad you stood your ground.
Jenna mumbles a, "Oh, yeah, sorry..." and leaves it at that before clicking on the new Ariana Grande music video to change the conversation.
You stare down at your drink as the conversation starts up again.
[[It's Friday! Down that Juice!]]
[[Sip it, Friday nights are marathons]]
[[Don't touch it.]]You down the sweet drink in a few quick gulps. Jungle juice never tastes *bad* really... it's just so sweet and sugary you don't care what's in it.
In Jasmine's batch though, you can really taste the vodka.
This is what pregames are for though, right?
[[Get another drink]]It's not a race to the finish so you sip your drink as you and the girls critique the music of today. Jungle juice never tastes *bad* really... it's just so sweet and sugary you don't care what's in it.
In Jasmine's batch though, you can really taste the vodka.
This is what pregames are for though, right?
[[Get another drink to sip]]You're just not really in the mood and drinking isn't what you want right now.
You laugh as you and the girls critique the music of today.
Before you know it, it's time for Mike's party!
[[Get ready to leave]]You down this one too, and now you're starting to feel a little more light-headed, but it's nice to feel this way sometimes. It's easier to say things, easier to laugh. You like the feeling and can't wait to get to the party.
Jenna has to nudge you up from the couch but you get ready to go with the rest of them.
[[Take a final farewell shot with everyone]]
[[To the party!]]You get up to fill another cup of the Jungle Juice. It's not awful and it's fun to just sip at it while you and the girls crack jokes.
Eventually Jasmine starts looking at her phone, "Mike will not shut up, he says he needs girls there stat."
"Let's go then, bitches," Jenna stands up, a slight wobble in her heels as she heads for the door, "First, a farewell shot of course."
The shot might send you over the edge, you're not super well-versed in alcohol and you're smaller in stature than all of these girls. You also don't want to be left out though.
[[Take a final farewell shot with everyone]]
[["No thanks, let's just go!"]]Mike's house isn't far at all and you walk in a big group together. You notice Jenna stumbling a bit along the way. You're all continuing to loudly comment on anything and everything coming to mind and it's fun to not have a care in the world.
The party is in full swing and you know that before even turning the corner. His music is ear-piercing and awful (who unironically likes Kanye)? But you literally can't wait, you love dancing and having fun with the girls.
You guys navigate through the house and find your way over to Mike who is chatting with another one of his friends. The guy seems older but maybe he's just one of those fifth year seniors.
"Hey, Jin," Mike signals for you to come over before offering you a drink.
[["Sure"]]
[["No thanks."]]Whew you were going hard today, but your friends are with you and you're having so much fun!
Sure, you might feel it tomorrow but who cares, your life is nothing but stress and shouldn't you be given a chance to have fun and relax?
[[To the party!]]The shot is swirling in your head and all you can taste is straight vodka burning down your throat.
Mike's house isn't far at all and you walk in a big group together, stumbling a bit along the way but also continuing to loudly comment on anything and everything coming to mind. The party is in full swing and you know that before even turning the corner. His music is ear-piercing and awful (who unironically likes Kanye)? But you literally can't wait, you love dancing and having fun with the girls.
You guys navigate through the house and find your way over to Mike who is chatting with another one of his friends. The guy seems older but maybe he's just one of those fifth year seniors.
"Hey, Jin," Mike calls you over before offering you a drink.
[[Oh! Take the drink]]
[["Nah, I'm good"]]You reject the shot but still smile as your friends go on, it's fun to see everyone enjoying themselves and you'd never police what a girl could and couldn't do at a party.
Mike's house isn't far at all and you walk in a big group together, continuing to loudly comment on anything and everything coming to mind. The party is in full swing and you know that before even turning the corner. His music is ear-piercing and awful (who unironically likes Kanye)? But you literally can't wait, you love dancing and having fun with the girls.
You guys navigate the house and find your way over to Mike who is chatting with another one of his friends. The guy seems older but maybe he's just one of those fifth year seniors.
"Hey, Jin," Mike calls you over before offering you a drink.
[[Take the drink]]
[["Nah, I'm good"]]Oh it's delicious. And you can't even taste the alcohol which means it's probably very dangerous. You don't even realize how quickly you were drinking it and how the other drinks you've had might be interacting with this new one. It's just a bit of alcohol anyways.
Mike fills you up and you two chat about classes as you drink through this one too, not feeling the effects just yet outside of the feeling of awesomeness.
"Oh, yeah," he nudges the stranger with him, "This is my friend who goes to Ohio U. He goes by Greg."
Greg grins at you as he rubs your shoulder in a rather affectionate greeting, "Love meeting cute Asian girls."
You try to think of what to say and notice that Mike has turned away to chat with your friends, leaving you with Greg.
"Want to do some shots?"
You're feeling all the drinks starting to take affect and don't see a reason not to do a few shots. Jasmine looks over at you with a friendly wave.
Everything was just fine.
[["Sure!"]]You reject the drink but the boys don't seem to mind. You're just the right amount of drunk and you want to keep it that way.
"Oh, yeah," Mike nudges the stranger with him, "This is my friend who goes to Ohio U. He goes by Greg."
Greg grins at you as he rubs your shoulder in a rather affectionate greeting, "Love meeting cute Asian girls."
Oh you //hate// that
You try to think of what to say and notice that Mike has turned away to chat with your friends, leaving you with Greg.
[[Go back over to your friends]]
[[Chat with Greg]]You take the drink with a smile, laughing as you see Mike light up.
"Oh, yeah," he nudges the stranger with him, "This is my friend who goes to Ohio U. He goes by Greg."
Greg grins at you as he rubs your shoulder in a rather affectionate greeting, "Love meeting cute Asian girls."
You try to think of what to say and notice that Mike has turned away to chat with your friends, leaving you with Greg.
"Want to do some shots?"
You're feeling all the drinks starting to take affect and don't see a reason not to do a few shots. Jasmine looks over at you with a friendly wave.
Everything was just fine.
[["Sure!"]]You and this Greg guy go off to the bar where one of Mike's friends that you do recognize offers the pair of you two shots of Tequila.
"You a tequila girl?"
It's kinda getting hard to think so you just shake your head and drink the shot with him. He wasn't awful to look at, but as you look around you notice your friends aren't near you anymore and it was getting harder and harder to pay attention.
"Hey, we'll have another shot."
Woah, you really don't think you need another shot, but even as you say what comes to your mind Greg just laughs and puts the glass in your hand.
"You should really drink it."
You're feeling really pressured but all the words you'd normally conjure up to tell him off aren't coming to mind.
[[You drink the shot]]"God, Asians are so hot," he has his arm on your body and alarm bells are starting to go off.
You look over to Mike's friend behind the bar, hoping that even if your words couldn't convey what was going on your eyes might be able to help. But Mike's friend doesn't notice and it encourages Greg to caress your arm all the way down to your hip where he places his hand permanently.
"I-I... need some water," your words are completely slurred and his hand is heavy on your hip as you try to turn back to the bar to get the attention of Mike's friend.
"There's water upstairs, c'mon let's go."
[[Hell no!]]
You are not about to be pressured into anything and even through the alcohol something just does not feel right. How dare he think just because you were at a party and enjoying yourself he had a right to your body. You push away and try to walk somewhere else but it's really hard to think and even harder to remember where your friends were.
You're honestly just so damn tired. Probably the stress from the week and the alcohol lulling you into closing your eyes. Shit, it's hard to keep them open.
You end up walking the stairs from the living room, remembering the times Mike has let you pass out on his bed.
The door is unlocked and you spy Mike's comforter unmade on the bed. He'd probably find you later and get you water and make sure you made it home.
[[Lay down]]You lay down and let the weight of everything come down on you, putting you quick to sleep as your body just stills. You're not really sleeping but you feel safe, away from the party and away from that creepy guy.
Even as you close your eyes your head is just swirling and you don't feel like you're on solid ground.
But it'll be fine and you'll just wake up in a bit and text the girls about it before your hangover brunch tomorrow.
For some reason something doesn't feel right...
That's when you notice the body on top of yours and a hand snaking up your tank top.
[[You're too drunk to do anything]]Your body goes into high alert.
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my fucking god.
There are hot lips on yours reeking of cheap lager. A heavy male moan makes its way into your mouth as a cold hand gropes your breast underneath your bra. His legs are on you and all you can feel is this heavy body trapping and keeping you from moving away.
With one hand still massaging your breast, his other makes its way down to your pants where it slips in and those cold, cold fingers make their way inside of you.
[[You still can't do anything...]]You feel your face get wet and realize that you're crying as he pushes his fingers deeper into you with an unskilled and violent touch. You want to cry out, you want to scream but it's hard and every time you try he clasps a free hand over your mouth.
"No, I'm going to make it feel good," he mumbles into your neck, sucking harshly, as you hear him undo his belt, "you want this, don't you?"
You want to scream "No," as loud as you can, you want Mike to manifest at that door, you think you are screaming - but nothing phases him. He won't stop.
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. You literally can't feel anything else besides a seering pain between your legs as he forcefully pushes himself into you.
You know what this is and you know it's happening. But it can't be. This is a dream. This is not happening to you. This happens to other girls. Not you. You can't even bring yourself to using the name of what *this* is.
[[You can't do anything.]]You lose track of time. You literally can't tell how quick or slow this awful, horrible pain lasts. You want him to finish and leave.
*Finish and leave.*
*Finish and leave.*
*Finish and leave.*
You wonder what you did to deserve this. Was it your makeup, was it your outfit, was it how much you drank, was it something you said, was it your race?
Why you?
[[You can't do anything at all.]]He finishes. You don't remember when and you don't want to. You know he's gone. That he's left you. You're here alone, listening to a foggy party below as you remain curled up in someone else's bed. Your face is still wet with tears and yet all you can focus on is how your body feels like he's still touching it.
He's gone, but it feels like his hands are still grabbing your hips. Like his lips are on your neck, claiming it still... and your lower body... you feel disgusting. Worthless. Powerless.
How could you let this happen?
Why did you let this happen?
The pain, the mental exhaustion of what just happened to you takes over and your eyes close. Sleep overcomes you and you've never felt more numb to anything in your life.
[[Sleep]]You wake up to Jasmine wiping off your forehead, "Mike she's waking up, is Nico ready?"
"Yeah," Mike replies, "he's the only sober one... please call me when you guys get to the hospital."
You recognize Nico as the guy manning the bar. The guy who could have stopped everything from happening. Your friends help you get up, mindblowing pain shooting to your legs.
"Here," you notice that Jasmine is helping to pull your pants back up and you realize it hurts far too much to think about anything that's happening. Your head is screaming in pain and you know you're still gently sobbing.
How are you supposed to tell anyone? What do you say without them judging your decisions?
Jasmine opens the door to the car, "Hey, shh, you're going to be okay."
[[Epilogue One]]You make it to the hospital with Nico and Jasmine by your side. The nurses pull you aside and ask you a multitude of questions that feel difficult to answer, but you do it. You identify what happened, putting together the blank spots in memory. They ask if you consented and you immediately tell them you didn't - you absolutely know you did not consent... but it just reminds you of all the other girls likely asked that question and who are not believed. There are going to be people who won't believe *you*. They explain the process and you know you should do a better job of listening but you really want to be anywhere but here. They ask to do a test, saying that it can be a big help to you later if you pursue legal action.
You can barely even pay attention. What are you going to tell you parents? How do you explain this to them when you don't even want to come to terms with it yourself? The nurses and later the police officer who drops off some papers for you all keep repeating that it's not your fault. //That it is never a victim's fault in any way.//
You know that's what you believed when you heard about other girls in the same situation, and yet it's so hard right now to believe it yourself. They end up giving you a slew of options: legal, medical, even recommending some local therapists who might help. Your friends are behind you. Mike has apologized profousely, even Nico feels bad for not stepping in... but you can't help but feeling none of them understand.
No one will understand your story except you and you just don't know what to do any more. You will heal at your own pace. You will reclaim your life at your own pace. You will take action if you deem it neccessary.
Right now it's all about putting //you// back in control of //your life// and that is so much easier said than done. You will eventually learn that none of the actions taken that night mattered except for the inexusable actions of your rapist.
[[Resources]]
[[Statistics]]
[[Advocacy]]
You are not alone:
''-General Information For Survivors-''
National Sexual Assault Hotline ''1-800-656-4673''
National Sexual Violence Resource Center ''https://www.nsvrc.org//''
National Organization for Victim Assistance ''https://www.trynova.org/''
National Online Resource Center on Violence Against Women ''https://vawnet.org/''
U.S. Department of Justice: National Sex offender Public Website ''https://www.nsopw.gov''
The National Center for Victims of Crime ''https://victimsofcrime.org/''
National Street Harassment ''http://www.stopstreetharassment.org''
''-Domestic, Dating and Intimate Partner Violence-''
National Domestic Violence Hotline ''https://www.thehotline.org/''
National Teen Dating Abuse Online Helpline ''http://www.loveisrespect.org''
Pathways to Safety International ''https://pathwaystosafety.org/''
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence ''http://www.ncadv.org/''
''-Survivors with Disability-''
Deaf Abused Women’s Network ''https://www.adwas.org/''
National Disability Rights Network ''http://www.ndrn.org/en/''
''-College Students-''
''NotAlone.gov''
Know Your IX ''https://www.knowyourix.org/''
End Rape on Campus ''http://endrapeoncampus.org/''
''-Ohio State specific resources-''
''https://titleix.osu.edu/sidebar-resources/response/resources.html''
''-Resources for Male Survivors of Sexual Assault-''
1in6 ''https://1in6.org/''
''Malesurvivor.org''
''-LGBTQ Survivors-''
GLBTQ Domestic Violence Project ''http://www.glbtqdvp.org/''
The Network Ia Red ''http://tnlr.org/en/''
National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs ''https://avp.org/ncavp/''
The Trevor Project ''https://www.thetrevorproject.org''
GLBT National Hotline ''https://www.glbthotline.org/''
FORGE ''https://forge-forward.org/anti-violence/for-survivors/''
Association for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Issues in Counseling ''http://www.algbtic.org/''
-''More organizations can be found through this directory: https://www.nsvrc.org/organizations''
[[Statistics]]
[[Advocacy]]You find them still just mingling and talking - you're ready to forget creepy Greg and just enjoy the night.
And you do! You and the girls dance and make jokes as some of you run into more of your friends.
Jenna, who you hadn't realized had gone away for //another// drink, comes back, "I called dibs on the pong table and it's ours ladies!"
You smile and head over to the table with the girls. Greg is there with another guy you don't recognize.
"Oh," he makes eye contact with you and smiles, "we can't wait to beat you girls."
[[Play?]]
[[Sit this one out.]]You decide to put up with the weird comment, "So what's your major?"
"Business," he shrugs, checking out his phone before putting it away, "It's fun, I'm on Ohio U's swim team."
You can't tell if he's trying to impress you but either way you find him kinda off and really don't want to talk to him.
"What's your major?"
You're not super drunk, but you notice your friends have left you and you're not about to have this conversation.
"Hey sorry, I've got to go look for my friends."
He looks pretty annoyed and you can hear the disgruntled, "Bitch," under his breath.
[[Go back over to your friends]]You're great at pong and wouldn't want to miss an opportunity to shame a creepy guy. Down with the patriarchy right?
It's you and Jasmine, arguably the only ones sorta sober enough to play a good game. You begin the game and a casual banter between you and the guys strikes up when Jenna isn't screaming to cheer you guys on.
"You're pretty good at this for such a tiny thing," Greg's talking about you again and it's still creepy. You can tell he's had an awful lot to drink and even when he's not supposed to in the game he's sipping heavily at the cup in his hand.
His friend scores on your team and Greg jumps in before he can speak, "Let's have the little one drink again."
Before, they had been pretty fair in splitting the drinking privileges between you and Jasmine. Jasmine doesn't seem to notice how predatory Greg is coming off and you decide to just call it a loss, something all in your head, and take a drink.
The game goes on and the night progresses. You're starting to get really tired and notice both Jasmine and Jenna still want to go hard. Checking the time, you give your phone a quick glance. Fuck - it was dying!
Well, you've slept and charged your phone in Mike's bed during a party before and you don't really see a huge problem with doing it again.
[[Head up the stairs]]You sit it out and watch as Greg seems to take a mental note of it. He's eyeing you so creepily and you really can't stand it. If your friends were less drunk you'd text them about it and get a second opinion, but they're enjoying themselves and you're probably just acting crazy.
Mike comes out to the cheers of many and Greg takes the opportunity to force him in front of the pong table. As him and Mike switch your stomach drops. He's making his way over to him and you've just been watching him down multiple beers this whole time.
He snakes his arm around you, "You're so gorgeous..." his voice is slurred and you just feel bad.
You don't want to be a //bitch// and guys always make you feel like shit for brushing them off directly. So you just ignore him, but his hands continue to roam your body.
As the party continues with a few more games (which you watch with Greg practically melting in to you) you find yourself getting tired. Both Jasmine and Jenna still want to go hard and you don't want to be annoying and cut their fun short. You've slept in Mike's bed during parties before and you don't see a huge problem with doing it again.
You quickly brush Greg off, shooting a quick, "Goodbye," before heading to Mike's bed for a quick nap.
[[Head up the stairs]]You lay down on his crumpled comforter and let the weight of everything come down on you, oh you're tired. You're not really sleeping, just resting, but you feel safe enough to close your eyes a bit. Finally away from the party and away from that creepy guy.
You can't wait to make fun of the girls tomorrow at hangover brunch and tell them all about the creeper.
You feel odd for a moment and open your eyes. There's a person at the door. Initially you assume it's just Mike... this is his room after all.
You're about to say something when you realize it's fucking Greg. At this point you're only a little bit tipsy still, but it's a situation you know you do not want to be in.
He starts walking towards you.
[["I have to go."]]
[[Leave]]"Oh, now you can talk to me," he mocks you for brushing him off earlier as he moves in closer, blocking your path.
"Hey, bud, I'm tired and I just want to go home, excuse me."
"We know why you came up here," he reeks of alcohol and he grabs your hand, hurting your wrist and pulling your fingers to the hard penis in his pants.
"Jesus," you recoil, "stop being gross, let me leave."
He pushes into you more and his weight has you pinned against the bed. This isn't good.
[[Scream for help]]
[[Kick him]]"Still being a little bitch, huh," he mocks your silence as he moves in closer, blocking your path.
"Hey, bud, I'm tired and I just want to go home, excuse me."
"We know why you came up here," he reeks of alcohol and he grabs your hand, hurting your wrist and pulling your fingers to the rock in his pants.
"Jesus," you recoil, "stop being gross, let me leave."
He pushes into you more and his weight has you pinned against the bed. This isn't good.
[[Scream for help]]
[[Kick him]]"Bitch," he clasps his hand over your mouth before the scream can leave. It's loud downstairs too, "I can make this hurt if you're not quiet."
You can only stare at him as his creepy eyes bare back at you.
"Stop," he snakes his free hand between your legs, rubbing your crotch back and forth, "I can make this feel real good for you."
You can't believe what's happening right now. This feels like a horror movie and even as you struggle you can't get free.
[[Keep trying to get him off of you]]You lift your knee upwards as hard as you can, right into his crotch. He growls in pain, quickly responding with a fresh and quick slap to your face.
You've never been slapped before and it honestly shocks you.
"You fucking bitch," he clasps his hand over your mouth, pushing your head backwards and exposing your neck in a way you absolutely hate, "I can make this hurt if you're not quiet."
You can only stare at the wall behind you in terror as he holds you down.
"Stop," he snakes his free hand between your legs, rubbing your crotch back and forth, "I can make this feel real good for you if you just stop struggling..."
[[Keep trying to get him off of you]]A heavy male moan makes its way into your mouth as a cold hand gropes your breast underneath your bra. Your struggling is getting no where and you've never been this terrified in your life.
His legs position themselves between yours and you squirm, feeling him knee your crotch as he violates your mouth. His heavy body is completely trapping you from moving away.
With one hand still holding your head down, his other makes its way down to your pants where it slips in and those cold, cold fingers make their way inside of you.
[[Try to scream again]]You feel your face get wet and realize that you're crying as he pushes his fingers deeper into you with an unskilled and violent touch. You want to cry out, you want to scream but it's impossible and every time you try he clasps a free hand over your mouth.
"Shut the fuck up" he yells into your neck, sucking harshly, as you hear him undo his belt, "you want this, don't you? Yeah..."
He won't stop. You are so, so terrified and you know that struggling is just going to result in a hit to your face. You try to squirm again, not wanting to ever stop fighting this.
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. He holds you down forcefully, his strong fingers pinching in to you. You literally can't feel anything else besides this seering pain all of your body and between your legs.
You cry out into his hand as he forcefully pushes himself into you.
You know what this is and you know it's happening. But it can't be, it literally can't be happening. This is a dream - an awful one. This is not happening to you. This happens to other girls. Not you. You can't even bring yourself to using the name of what *this* is.
[[You can't do anything but continue to fight]]Each time you try to fight back he forcefully strikes back. He has you by the throat now, your hair caught and tangled in his angry fist. It hurts so bad and you just want it to end.
You lose track of time. You literally can't tell how quick or slow this awful, horrible pain lasts. You want him to just finish and leave at this point - willing to give in to this awfulness if it meant it ending sooner.
*Finish and leave.*
*Finish and leave.*
*Finish and leave.*
You wonder what you did to deserve this as he fists your hair and violently tugs your head back, further into the mattress.
Was it your makeup, was it your outfit, was it how much you drank, was it something you said, was it your race?
Why you?
[[Keep trying... it's all you can do... keep trying]]He finishes. You don't remember when and you don't want to. You know only that he's gone. That he's left you. You're here alone, listening to a foggy party below as you remain curled up in someone else's bed.
Your face is still wet with tears and yet all you can focus on is how your body feels like he's still touching it.
He's gone, but it feels like his hands are still grabbing your hips, yanking your hair. It's like his lips are on your neck, claiming it still... and your lower body... you feel disgusting. Worthless. Powerless. And it //hurts//.
How could you let this happen?
Why did you let this happen?
The pain, the mental exhaustion of what just happened to you keeps you from standing up right now and calling for help. You just start to sob, you're tired, you feel broken. You've never felt so completely violated.
[[It's okay to cry]]You hear the door open and your body tightens, terrified in fear that he's back for more.
"Oh my god," it's Mike's voice. You don't know if you're imagining it, "Oh my god... Jin..."
His hand touches your shoulder and you don't want it. You don't want anything to touch you at all, you cry out and he steps back.
"Jesus, what happened..." the shock in his voice, though you know he cares, feels like disgusted pity and it hurts. It reminds you that this really did happen, "Jin we have to get you to a hospital."
You realize now you're bleeding. You can feel it trickle from above your brow.
"Let me get Jasmine and someone who can drive," you can hear the stress in his voice, "w-who did this?"
You know who did this... he was probably downstairs enjoying himself. Just that thought sent you back into pain. It felt the same - the pain did. It was an emotional and physical pain twisting together.
"Okay," Mike is talking to you, voice ladden in fear and empathy, "You'll be okay, Jin... some people are coming up who will help," he whispers as if he thinks talking too loud will break you more - maybe it would, "Do you want me to pull up your..."
You realize he's alluding to your pants and underwear pooled around your feet. The thought of cold, male hands on you shakes your core and you force yourself to put yourself back together.
[[Epilogue Two]]You make it to the hospital with a group of people at your side - too many for your comfort. The nurses pull you aside and ask you a multitude of questions that are too difficult to answer, but you do it.
You identify what happened, slowly putting together a horrific story that the nurses pretend not to react to. They ask if you consented to what transpired and you immediately tell them you didn't, feeling hurt they would even take one look at you and ask - you absolutely know you did not consent... it just reminds you of all the other girls likely asked that question and who are not believed. They notice their mistake and emphasize that it's part of their policy.
It's just a look into the future though; you know there are going to be people who won't believe *you*. They explain the whole process of a rape kit and you know you should do a better job of listening but you really want to be anywhere but here. They ask if you want to consent to the test, saying that it can be a big help to you later if you pursue legal action.
You can barely even pay attention. A nurse carefully and gently dresses the scratches on your arms and face.
What are you going to tell you parents? How do you explain //this// to them when you don't even want to come to terms with it yourself? The nurses and later the police officer who drops off some papers for you all keep repeating that it's not your fault. //That it is never a victim's fault in any way.//
You know that's what you believed when you heard about other girls in the same situation, and yet it's so hard right now to believe it yourself. They end up giving you a slew of options: legal, medical, even recommending some local therapists who might help. Your friends are behind you. Mike feels awful and you haven't even told him it was his friend who did it... you don't know how you're going to tell him.
No one will understand your story except you and you just don't know what to do any more. You will heal at your own pace. You will reclaim your life at your own pace. You will take action if you deem it neccessary.
Right now it's all about putting //you// back in control of //your life// and that is so much easier said than done. You will eventually learn that none of the actions taken that night mattered except for the inexusable actions of your rapist.
[[Resources]]
[[Statistics]]
[[Advocacy]] You take the drink with a smile, laughing as you see Mike light up. //He had such a great smile//.
"Oh, yeah," he nudges the stranger with him, "This is my friend who goes to Ohio U. He goes by Greg."
Greg grins at you as he rubs your shoulder in a rather affectionate greeting, "Love meeting cute Asian girls."
"Creepy friend you have their, Mike," you're way too sober for that nonesense.
Mike laughs, "Yeah c'mon, man, lay off her."
[[Keep talking to Mike]]
[[Hang out with the girls]]You refuse the drink but politely, you laugh as Mike jokingly fakes a face of disappointment. He had //such// a great smile.
"Oh, yeah," he nudges the stranger with him, "This is my friend who goes to Ohio U. He goes by Greg."
Greg grins at you as he rubs your shoulder in a rather affectionate greeting, "Love meeting cute Asian girls."
"Creepy friend you have their, Mike," you're way too sober for that nonesense.
Mike laughs, "Yeah c'mon, man, lay off her."
[[Keep talking to Mike]]
[[Hang out with the girls]]You two keep talking. You've come close to kissing a few times, but nothing more than some pretty heavy petting. Tonight you couldn't help but stare into those green eyes with wonder.
Maybe you should take things further with him?
God, it was like Jasmine was right there in your head recommending //that// course of action.
But Mike continued to chat with you, even when you thought he might be getting bored and wanting to see his other guests. You talk about everything, joking about shared classes, inside humor from freshman year and even fan theories for a big Hollywood movie coming out later that year.
He was a really cool guy, and, yeah, that smile was damn good.
"Hey, Jin, can I ask you something?"
You two are isolated on the couch at this point. Sure, there's people all around chatting and enjoying each other's company... but right now it just felt like you and Mike.
"Why are you still single?"
[["Never found the right guy."]]
[["Not interested in dating."]]You find them still just mingling and talking - you're ready to forget creepy Greg and just enjoy the night.
And you do! You and the girls dance and make jokes as some of you run into more of your friends.
Jenna, who you hadn't realized had gone away for //another// drink, comes back, "I called dibs on the pong table and it's ours ladies!"
You smile and head over to the table with the girls. Greg is there with another guy you don't recognize.
"Oh," he makes eye contact with you and smiles, "we can't wait to beat you girls."
[[Play!]]
[[Sit this one out...]]He laughs at that, "Well... maybe that's why I haven't had a girlfriend in so long. Just waiting for the right girl."
His hand lingers for a moment near yours and you feel your heart skip a beat.
"Can I ask another question?" He looks up from your hand and into your eyes.
"Sure," you can't seem to keep your cool but this was a really exciting conversation.
"Here," he stood, offering his hand, "I can tell you up in my room."
[[Take his hand]]He laughs at that, "Oh I know //exactly// what you mean by that."
You're not so sure with the innuendo in his voice that you know what you "meant by that" but the moment passes and you keep enjoying each other's company.
His hand lingers for a moment near yours and you feel your heart skip a beat.
"Can I ask another question?" He looks up from your hand and into your eyes.
"Sure," you can't seem to keep your cool but this was a really exciting conversation.
"Here," he stood, offering his hand, "I can tell you up in my room."
[[Take his hand]]You take his hand and can't believe this is how your night was turning. Yeah, he was drunk, but Mike had always been a great friend. He was there through Jasmine's breakup with Scot and had been there for you during your major fight with Jenna.
His fingers felt great in yours and you'd be kidding yourself if you didn't think you were interested in him. He was tall, athletic, and just really funny.
The two of you entered his room, a place not unfamiliar to you. You used it as a crash pad on occasion when you needed to slip away from the party for a nap. He shut the door behind you and noticed that he hadn't turned on any of his lights outside of the yellow string ones across the ceiling...
It was certainly setting a mood.
[["What is this about, Mike?"]]You're great at pong and wouldn't want to miss an opportunity to shame a creepy guy. Down with the patriarchy right?
It's you and Jasmine, arguably the only ones sorta sober enough to play a good game. You begin the game and a casual banter between you and the guys strikes up when Jenna isn't screaming to cheer you guys on.
"You're pretty good at this for such a tiny thing," Greg's talking about you again and it's still creepy. You can tell he's had an awful lot to drink and even when he's not supposed to in the game he's sipping heavily at the cup in his hand.
His friend scores on your team and Greg jumps in before he can speak, "Let's have the little one drink again."
Before they had been pretty fair in splitting the drinking privileges between you and Jasmine. Jasmine doesn't seem to notice how predatory Greg is coming off and you decide to just call it a loss, something all in your head, and take a drink.
The game goes on and the night progresses. Mike eventually comes out to the cheers of many and Greg takes the opportunity to try and force him in front of the pong table.
Mike looks over, noticing you, and refuses. Asking another guy on the patio to step in for you, he starts pulling you aside. You can smell the beer on his breath. But it's Mike, he probably just wanted to tell you a joke.
"Hey, Jin," he's smirking and you feel a blush creep up your face, "How are you tonight?"
"I--"
He pushes a finger to your lips, "Tell me upstairs, I'm way too drunk to be down here."
He offers his hand and even though he's drunk and needs to be put to bed you can't help but feel like a school-girl. You've always had a crush on Mike.
[[Take his hand]]
You sit this one out, and besides... you're the sober friend tonight and both Jenna and Jasmine could use someone looking out for them.
The game goes on and the night progresses. Mike eventually comes out to the cheers of many and Greg takes the opportunity to try and force him in front of the pong table.
Mike looks over, noticing you, though and refuses, walking over to you with an air of confidence in his walk. You can smell the beer on his breath. It's just Mike, though, he probably just wants to tell you a joke.
"Hey, Jin," he's smirking and you feel a blush creep up your face, "How are you tonight?"
"I--"
He pushes a finger to your lips, "Tell me upstairs, I'm way too drunk to be down here and need help getting up there."
He offers his hand and even though he's drunk and needs to be put to bed you can't help but feel like a school-girl. You've always had a crush on Mike.
[[Take his hand]]
At 8:30AM it was almost time to leave for your first day on the job, but you had already been up for about three hours. Not because you were nervous about starting a new job... no it wasn't that. This was just the time you always woke up, anywhere from 5:00 to 5:30AM. In your head, you go through your check list:
Brushed/Flossed Teeth
Made Bed
Daily Load of Laundry
Healthy Breakfast
Oh crap! It's time for a healthy breakfast... what to eat.
[[Whole Grain Avocado Toast with Two Eggs Whites]]
[[Sweet Potato and Black Bean Breakfast Burrito]]
You nodded to yourself, psyching up how awesome a decision that was.
As you went about preparing your breakfast you looked around at all the change that recently occured in your life. You realized that your new apartment wasn’t far from the Gold Life Fitness the place you had just been hired.
It had become a summer of unexpected fresh starts. After working at 1440 Fitness for more than 5 years, a series of unfortunate events in the neighborhood had caused you to look for new employment. It felt at like times as if you were playing a game of dominos - where even one piece falling led to them all tumbling down. After beginning the search for new employment, the owners of the house you had been renting for over two years, decided to sell... it all meant you had to go. Honestly, you thought you had chosen pretty well.
[[Studio Apartment for $700/month with 30 Minute Travel Time]]
[[One Bedroom Apartment for $950/month with 5 Minute Travel Time]]
[[Basement Apartment for Free with Parents with 12 Minute travel Time]]
You nodded to yourself, psyching up how awesome a decision that was.
As you went about preparing your breakfast you looked around at all the change that recently occured in your life. You realized that your new apartment wasn’t far from the Gold Life Fitness the place you had just been hired.
It had become a summer of unexpected fresh starts. After working at 1440 Fitness for more than 5 years, a series of unfortunate events in the neighborhood had caused you to look for new employment. It felt at like times as if you were playing a game of dominos - where even one piece falling led to them all tumbling down. After beginning the search for new employment, the owners of the house you had been renting for over two years, decided to sell... it all meant you had to go. Honestly, you thought you had chosen pretty well.
[[Studio Apartment for $700/month with 30 Minute Travel Time]]
[[One Bedroom Apartment for $950/month with 5 Minute Travel Time]]
[[Basement Apartment for Free with Parents with 12 Minute travel Time]]It was such an easy choice. Great city, moderate rent //and// not too far from where you worked? Everything was sleek and new and you really liked and welcomed the change for something so modern.
You wished you had more time to settle into your place, but Gold Life Fitness was in desperate need for you to take on their personal training clients. Though it was great to hear that a new client base was headed your way, you were worried you about running into some of the same problems you faced near the end of you time at 1440 Fitness. Even though you had briefly mentioned the issues you had at your last job during your interview, you consistently wondered if you should have said more.
At the time you...
[[You didn’t want to get ahead of a situation that might not even have presented itself. So, you decided not to mention it to your new mangers until something did occur.]]
[[You were as blunt as you could have been... What you encountered at 1440 Fitness wasn’t necessarily “new”, but the manner in which it was handled had been shocking to you. Besides, being completely transparent had always been an attribute you took pride in. Why would that situation be any different?]]
This place had taken some time to decide on. Sure, it looked outstanding... Dark hardwood floors, stainless steel appliances and even an exposed brick wall that every hipster seemed to cream themselves over.
You wished you had more time to settle into your place, but Gold Life Fitness was in desperate need for you to take on their personal training clients. Though it was great to hear that a new client base was headed your way, you were worried you about running into some of the same problems you faced near the end of you time at 1440 Fitness. Even though you had briefly mentioned the issues you had at your last job during your interview, you consistently wondered if you should have said more.
At the time you...
[[You didn’t want to get ahead of a situation that might not even have presented itself. So, you decided not to mention it to your new mangers until something did occur.]]
[[You were as blunt as you could have been... What you encountered at 1440 Fitness wasn’t necessarily “new”, but the manner in which it was handled had been shocking to you. Besides, being completely transparent had always been an attribute you took pride in. Why would that situation be any different?]]
It was honestly a choice of convienence but it was nice being close to mom and pop. You were close enough to be the doting son and make sure they had everything needed and it also granted you a special type of freedom with how close you were to work.
You wished you had more time to settle into your place, but Gold Life Fitness was in desperate need for you to take on their personal training clients. Though it was great to hear that a new client base was headed your way, you were worried you about running into some of the same problems you faced near the end of you time at 1440 Fitness. Even though you had briefly mentioned the issues you had at your last job during your interview, you consistently wondered if you should have said more.
At the time you...
[[You didn’t want to get ahead of a situation that might not even have presented itself. So, you decided not to mention it to your new mangers until something did occur.]]
[[You were as blunt as you could have been... What you encountered at 1440 Fitness wasn’t necessarily “new”, but the manner in which it was handled had been shocking to you. Besides, being completely transparent had always been an attribute you took pride in. Why would that situation be any different?]]
Communicating had always been difficult, but it wasn’t until you were older that you understood why. The Cochlear implant your parents had opted for, made it so you grew up hearing very well and thus only used sign language when necessary. It didn’t prevent you from “sounding like a deaf person”, which was consistently pointed out to you within the first few minutes of meeting someone new. Where did that saying even come from? //”You don’t sound like a deaf person…”.//
Anyways, at the interview you decided to get ahead of any possible issues that could occur in the future. Honestly, you would rather face a difficult discussion with your managers now, rather than potentially repeat the events at 1440 Fitness.
You ate your breakfast and went on with your day, excited to enjoy this new opportunity.
[[Get to work!]]Communicating had always been difficult, but it wasn’t until you were older that you understood why. The Cochlear implant your parents had opted for, made it so you were able to grow up hearing fairly well. You learned to only rely on sign language when absolutely necessary. It didn’t prevent you from “sounding like a deaf person” as friends had brought up though, and it remained something that was consistently pointed out to you within the first few minutes of meeting someone new. Where did that saying even come from? //”You don’t sound like a deaf person…”.//
Regardless, feeling you had already placed an unnecessary burden on Gold Life Fitness in hiring someone who was hearing impaired, you decided to see if the problem that had ended in your previous career would present itself in the future. Then you would decide if the issue needed addressing or if it was something you could handle on your own.
You ate your breakfast and went on with your day, excited to enjoy this new opportunity.
[[Go to work!]]
After completing the dreaded Orientation Day at work, you lingered in the studio. Having booked a couple of clients for the following week you decided to get in a work out for yourself before heading home.
Finishing up a full cardio circuit you ended up walking to your car, it was still the early evening but felt so fark outside as you approached your car. A chime rings on your iPhone.
Hey, it’s your Grinder account letting you know of all the potential new matches you have in your area.
[[It had been a couple of month’s full of changes. Why not accept this drink invite from the cute looking bear on your phone? It would be great to meet someone new and relax a little before an ever increasingly busy week headed your way.]]
[[But you could also just head home... although an ever increasingly stressful week was headed your way and a drink after today would be a treat, you could just decide to head for bed instead.]]
Tony, at least that's what his name was on his profile, greeted you at the bar. He was nice enough and the two of you talked fitness while sharing eyes in the dim bar lighting. You could see yourself talking with Tony again in the future.
He was handsome, had a great laugh, and had paid for the drinks - what wasn't to find attractive? He even walked you back to your place, giving you his actual number to reach out to in the future.
[[Time for bed]]You opt to just head home and detox. The new house took some getting used to but you liked that it was all yours. You popped in some dinner, watched some TV and messaged a few friends on Xbox Live having packed in one round of Call of Duty with the boys.
After showering and getting your phone plugged in for the night, it was time for bed...
[[Time for bed]]You wake up and begin a full routine. Days pass rather uneventfully and you really start to feel like you're becoming a part of this new community. Business had been building steadily too, without any incidents to report. Thankfully.
Your uneasiness about creating a new client base at Gold Life Fitness had seemingly faded by the time a new week rolled around. Tomorrow was set to be just a typical Tuesday, with the exception of a semi new client you had coming in at 9:00AM.
Claire - that was her name.
She was a client that had been recommended to you by someone at 1440 Fitness. The first 5 one-on-one sessions you had shared together so far had gone by without any issue. Claire was dedicated, funny and always looked like she had stepped out of a magazine shoot. It was not her first personal trainer rodeo. Since Gold Life Fitness had specials on Personal Training Packages, Claire had ultimately signed up for a package of 10 one-on-one sessions. You were about to have another session with her set to begin tomorrow at 9:00AM.
Your muscles were starting to feel sore in just the right way and it felt good to be back on the grind. You rolled onto the couch with a nutrition smoothie and the remote... what to watch tonight?
[[“The Big Short”]]
[[“House Hunters - international”]]
After completing the dreaded Orientation Day at work, you lingered in the studio. Having booked a couple of clients for the following week you decided to get in a work out for yourself before heading home.
Finishing up a full cardio circuit you ended up walking to your car, it was still the early evening but felt so fark outside as you approached your car. A chime rings on your iPhone.
Hey, it’s your Grinder account letting you know of all the potential new matches you have in your area.
[[You know, it had been a couple of month’s full of changes. Why not accept this drink invite from the cute looking bear on your phone? It would be great to meet someone new and relax a little before an ever increasingly busy week headed your way.]]
[[But you could also just head home, you know... although an ever increasingly stressful week was headed your way and a drink after today would be a treat, you could just decide to head for bed instead.]]Tony, at least that's what his name was on his profile, greeted you at the bar. He was nice enough and the two of you talked fitness while sharing eyes in the dim bar lighting. You could see yourself talking with Tony again in the future.
He was handsome, had a great laugh, and had paid for the drinks - what wasn't to find attractive? He even walked you back to your place, giving you his actual number to reach out to in the future.
[[Get to bed]]You opt to just head home and detox. The new house took some getting used to but you liked that it was all yours. You popped in some dinner, watched some TV and messaged a few friends on Xbox Live having packed in one round of Call of Duty with the boys.
After showering and getting your phone plugged in for the night, it was time for bed...
[[Get to bed]]You wake up and begin a full routine. Days pass rather uneventfully and you really start to feel like you're becoming a part of this new community. Business had been building steadily too, without any incidents to report. Thankfully.
Your uneasiness about creating a new client base at Gold Life Fitness had seemingly faded by the time a new week rolled around. Tomorrow was set to be just a typical Tuesday, with the exception of a semi new client you had coming in at 9:00AM.
Claire - that was her name.
She was a client that had been recommended to you by someone at 1440 Fitness. The first 5 one-on-one sessions you had shared together so far had gone by without any issue. Claire was dedicated, funny and always looked like she had stepped out of a magazine shoot. It was not her first personal trainer rodeo. Since Gold Life Fitness had specials on Personal Training Packages, Claire had ultimately signed up for a package of 10 one-on-one sessions. You were about to have another session with her set to begin tomorrow at 9:00AM.
Your muscles were starting to feel sore in just the right way and it felt good to be back on the grind. You rolled onto the couch with a nutrition smoothie and the remote... what to watch tonight?
[[Yes! “The Big Short” is on]]
[[“House Hunters - international” has never done you dirty either, though...]]The Big Short was such a good choice. The movie had great pacing and you were starting to get the hype around it as an Oscar nominated masterpiece. You fell asleep imagining yourself in one of the scenes...
The next morning you rolled into work as ready as ever but the minute you saw Mrs. James that day something about her attitude was beginning to make you feel uncomfortable, you knew you should have mentioned something to management earlier. It felt like history was repeating itself.
Now, of course, you would not only have to explain what you went through with a previous client from 1440 Fitness, but also what had now just occurred between you and Mrs. James. You didn't even feel right in calling her Claire any more.
It sucked, because now in both situations, the propositioning had been somewhat similar. You were hoping that knowing this would help in validating your feelings about the situations to your management teams.
You swallowed down as you knocked on management's doors. Well, no time like the present right?
[[Explain to the Managers the Incident with Mrs. James]]House Hunters was such a good choice. The locations were fantastic, the rich straight familes always amusing and the commercials a great time to stretch. You wondered if you would ever have a house like that one day as you fell asleep that night.
You thought tomorrow would be another easy day - it proved you wrong, unfortunetly.
Something happened with Claire today that you didn't even really want to think about and at exactly 10:35AM you were sitting exactly where you didn’t want to be: in you manager’s office.
You were going to have to resurface some old fears you had expressed to them before you had begun working at Gold Life Fitness. You were somewhat put at ease from knowing you had previously informed them of the issue. Going through the actions of Mrs. James (you didn't even want to informally call her Claire anymore) with your managers was much heavier than the last time you had been through this.
It sucked, because now in both situations, the propositioning had been somewhat similar. You were hoping that knowing this would help in validating your feelings about the situations to your management teams.
You swallowed down as your manager stared at you, waiting for your explanation.
[[Explain to the Managers the Incident with Mrs. James]]The Big Short was such a good choice. The movie had great pacing and you were starting to get the hype around it as an Oscar nominated masterpiece. You fell asleep imagining yourself in one of the scenes...
The next morning you rolled into work as ready as ever but the minute you saw Mrs. James that day something about her attitude was beginning to make you feel uncomfortable, you knew you should have mentioned something to management earlier. It felt like history was repeating itself.
Now, of course, you would not only have to explain what you went through with a previous client from 1440 Fitness, but also what had now just occurred between you and Mrs. James. You didn't even feel right in calling her Claire any more.
It sucked, because now in both situations, the propositioning had been somewhat similar. You were hoping that knowing this would help in validating your feelings about the situations to your management teams.
You swallowed down as you knocked on management's doors. Well, no time like the present right?
[[Explain to the Managers the Incident with Mrs. James]]House Hunters was such a good choice. The locations were fantastic, the rich straight familes always amusing and the commercials a great time to stretch. You wondered if you would ever have a house like that one day as you fell asleep that night.
The next morning you rolled into work as ready as ever but the minute you saw Mrs. James that day something about her attitude was beginning to make you feel uncomfortable, you knew you should have mentioned something to management earlier. It felt like history was repeating itself.
Now, of course, you would not only have to explain what you went through with a previous client from 1440 Fitness, but also what had now just occurred between you and Mrs. James. You didn't even feel right in calling her Claire any more.
It sucked, because now in both situations, the propositioning had been somewhat similar. You were hoping that knowing this would help in validating your feelings about the situations to your management teams.
You swallowed down as you knocked on management's doors. Well, no time like the present right?
[[Explain to the Managers the Incident with Mrs. James]]It always began with something small, usually pretty minor comments.
You sighed as you thought about where to start, moving uncomfortably in your chair, "Well, the client was asking me for help in physically putting them in the right position, you know, to correct their posture."
You thought for a moment, "I even made sure to be careful about how much touching was occurrin and was using words to explain what they needed to change in order to talk them through and help them perform the exercise correctly."
Your managers continued listening and you appreciated their committment in giving you space to let it all out, "Now, most individuals would take the hint, that I wasn't going to just always touch and move them... but every once in awhile, I think we've all had client that would see how far they could push our boundaries," you paused, "Mrs. James was something else though... her and I were talking about Hanukkah beginning tomorrow and our traditional family festivities..."
It was the hardest part, what came next, "Mrs. James began insinuating that she needed her candle lit and she would like me to be doing the lighting," you couldn't really make eye contact with your boss, it was embarrassing, "She told me, while backing into my body during a downward dog that she wanted me to be one of her twelve gifts of Hanukkah.
Hardest part over you quickly finished your retelling, "I tried to diffuse the situation, expressing to her that I already had plans to spend it with my family so I would need to decline... but that's the brunt of it and I'm not sure how to face her next time."
[[Wait for your manager to respond]]
Your manager nodded along, parsing through their own thoughts before returning eye contact with you.
"Thank you for telling me, Kevin..." you realized by their hesitation that it was just as awkward for them to talk about as you - which made you feel a little better, "Sexual harrassment, verbal and otherwise, is not something we tolerate at this gym."
You're surprised, amazed even by the accepting and warm environment.
"You matter a lot to us and we want to make sure your comfort, as well as clients', is respected and catered to. We will removed Mrs. James from your client list and make sure we speak with her one on one about moving forward from this... I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this."
It really felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. Your management team was grateful that you had brought the situation to their attention.
It was weird, an ex-boyfriend of yours, Tom, always thought it would be pointless to bring anything up to managers. Management had not only supported you but had exceeded your expectations. They even let you decide whether you wanted to finish the day out or call it.
[[Even with the eventful morning, you were still committed to your career and other people’s personal fitness journey’s, Claire's be damned. Working the rest of your scheduled clients for the day, you thought, would be your best option and hopefully a good distraction.]]
[[Having been through a similar, but far worse, situation before, you know you will be of no use to Golf Life Fitness for the rest of the day. You can already feel the emotions you had suppressed in the moment rising up from subconscious. The nausea and stress of it all was kicking in too. It was time to take the day and maybe prepare a dish for the family gathering happening tomorrow night with Mom.]]
You finished out the day strong and actually had some fun working with your other clients. It felt good to stay active and it kept you from thinking about what had happened.
Honestly, you hadn't thought about any of it until you found yourself sitting in the management office again a week later. It was still before your day's first client, and you wondered what the cause for the meeting was.
As you were sitting there your manager and another woman entered. As they sat down, you realized the new face had to be HR and this was a continuation from the prior conversation you came forward about.
Your manager was sympathetic but firm. Although they made it clear they were on your side, they revealed that they wouldn’t be able to refuse Mrs. James from working out at the establishment. She had nine remaining one-on-one training sessions, and those had already been signed and paid for.
They had a talk with her and she demanded the ability to complete them. The solution was that she would finish out with another trainer. They made it clear that even with Mrs. James no longer being a personal client, no measure of prevention (outside of legal action you would have to take on your own) could be taken to make it impossible for her to cross paths you... or, they added, for management to prevent her from spreading word about the incident with other proprietors.
The hint of blackmail there stood out to you and it made you sick to your stomach. The turn of events was unexpected and you thought about what to do.
[[Start Fresh... Again]]
[[Learn to cope...]]You headed home for the day looking forward to cooking and relaxing. It gave you time to figure out your thoughts and feelings and you also knew you'd get to spend some one-on-one time with Mom, your biggest supporter who understood everything.
Honestly, you hadn't thought about any of it until you found yourself sitting in the management office again a week later. It was still before your day's first client, and you wondered what the cause for the meeting was.
As you were sitting there your manager and another woman entered. As they sat down, you realized the new face had to be HR and this was a continuation from the prior conversation you came forward about.
Your manager was sympathetic but firm. Although they made it clear they were on your side, they revealed that they wouldn’t be able to refuse Mrs. James from working out at the establishment. She had nine remaining one-on-one training sessions, and those had already been signed and paid for.
They had a talk with her and she demanded the ability to complete them. The solution was that she would finish out with another trainer. They made it clear that even with Mrs. James no longer being a personal client, no measure of prevention (outside of legal action you would have to take on your own) could be taken to make it impossible for her to cross paths you... or, they added, for management to prevent her from spreading word about the incident with other proprietors.
The hint of blackmail there stood out to you and it made you sick to your stomach. The turn of events was unexpected and you thought about what to do.
[[Start Fresh... Again]]
[[Learn to cope...]]Well, it had been only a few months since you had begun working at Gold Life Fitness, and you really thought you could see the potential here. Other than Mrs. James, your client base had been building rapidly and without any trouble.
It would be a lot to think about leaving behind, especially from having already done it not too long ago - but you feared the possibility of another incident occurring.
And what about the potential gossip?
Maybe finding a smaller, more individualized gym would be better for your mental state and emotional well being. They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, while expecting a different outcome. You're ready for a different outcome.
[[Resources]]
[[Statistics]]
[[Advocacy]] With all of the good going on in your life, it was hard to even think about leaving it behind.
To others, dealing with Mrs. James’ sexual harrassment wouldn’t be all that big of a deal. But, consistently being taken advantage of because you are a good looking man who just happened to be hearing impaired, shouldn't be a reason for someone to treat you as an object.
But it happened, hadn't it?
With your managers support, you decide to stay and work through this hiccup with their blessing and support.
[[Resources]]
[[Statistics]]
[[Advocacy]] Mike grinned and it made his eyes shine in the lights, "Had to get you alone for once..."
His breath really smelled like alcohol, but you tried not to think about it, "Did you want to talk about something?"
He shrugged, "Talking is kinda boring, isn't it... thought we could," he slipped his hand around you, pulling your body in closer to his, "I dunno, do more than talk."
Your heart was beating fast and all of this felt so new and you weren't really sure what to do next.
"Can I get a kiss?"
[["Yes"]]
[["No"]]You're not sure if you even said the words, but he leans in and so do you. It's not your first kiss by any stretch but you really didn't have too much experience.
He gently kissed you deeper, leaning down and into you so that you felt completely consumed by his kiss.
It felt good, and holy shit, you thought - just wait for the girls to find out!
You weren't sure what the kiss meant but you were so caught up in how good it felt you never wanted it to end.
He wrapped his arms around you and the embrace felt so perfect, slowly the two of you walked back to his bed.
[[Don't. Stop.]]He frowned. Visibly upset.
"Why not?"
You looked away, feeling a weird energy, "I just... I'm not ready. I don't know."
"You don't know so let me show you."
"I-I..."
"Here," he leaned in, uninvited, and pressed his mouth against yours.
It sartles you and he pushes you back into the door, kissing you in a drunken passion.
[[He's a friend... put up with it?]]
[["Stop it."]]You make it on to the bed with him, feeling higher than a kite as he runs his hand down your back.
"You're so beautiful, Jin," those words make you shudder as you lean back down for another kiss.
He moans as the kisses get deeper, if it was just this for the rest of your life you'd be contented.
You smile into another kiss, whispering his name, "Mike..."
"Oh, Jin," he pulled back, that handsome face looking at you with adoration, "You know what would make me really happy?"
You shake your head no, just enjoying and soaking in the warmth from being in his embrace like this.
"Let's have sex, Jin."
You're not sure what to do... you've never had sex before and you're not sure you want your first time to be with a drunk guy.
[["Maybe another time, Mike."]]
[["No, sorry."]]He continues to kiss you... and you're not sure how you feel yet but he seems to have ignored your initial "no."
The kissing continues and he begins whispering in your ear as he walks you back to his bed... you're walking, but there's something about the experience that makes it feel out of body, like you're not really doing the moving and Mike is leading everything.
He lays you onto the bed, his body weight encompasing you. "You're so beautiful, Jin," those words, maybe under a different circumstance, might make you feel great but right now... you just don't know.
He moans as the kisses get deeper and you start realizing your way out might be shrinking if things go any further.
"Jin," he pulled back, that handsome face looking at you with adoration, "You want to know what would make me really happy?"
You shake your head no, not able to find words for what //this// was.
"Let's have sex, Jin."
You're not sure what to do... you've never had sex before and you're not sure you want your first time to be with a drunk guy... and he ignored your wishes earlier...
[["Maybe another time, Mike."]]
[["No, sorry."]]He continues to kiss you... and you feel violated in this position. Why would he ignore your initial "no"?
You don't want this, and you're stiff as a rock as the kissing continues. He's whispering in your ear but it's starting to just get really creepy as he walks you back to his bed... he's moving you, but he has to work at it.
You want to leave but are waiting for the right moment to get away. You're hoping he pulls away, that you'll be able to stop things before they go too far.
"Mike, stop," you repeat your words, more firm this time, "I don't want to do this right now."
He outright ignores you as he lays you onto the bed, his body weight encompasing you and keeping you down, "You're so beautiful, Jin," those words, maybe under a different circumstance, might make you feel great but right now... you just want to get the hell out of here.
He moans as the kisses get deeper and you start realizing how heavy he is on top of you. How hard it is going to be to get out of here.
"Jin," he smirks and it just looks, for lack of better words, predatory. You never thought you'd see Mike, a friend, in this way.
You shake your head no, not able to find words for what //this// was.
"Let's fuck."
You're not sure what to do... you're trapped, he's not letting up and his hands are grabbing more and more of your body.
[[No!]]He sighs, disappointed, "You're really going to like it though."
"I don't want to right now," you try to move and gain some more solid ground as opposed to being crushed by a guy who is a foot taller than you.
He doesn't let up.
"C'mon, don't be so bitchy about it... you'll love it, Jin."
"No, really," you feel his hand grab around your inner thigh, tightening his position around you, "Let me go."
"You want this as bad as I do," he's smiling... smiling as you confess your feelings about not wanting this. It's a joke to him and it makes you feel sick to your stomach.
"Mike," his hands quickly slip down your pants, "Mike!"
You yell his name now but it just seems to make him //happier//, "You're so funny, Jin... don't pretend you've never wanted this."
[["Stop!"]]He sighs, disappointed, "You're really going to like it though, no need to be such a cunt about it."
"I don't want to," you want to add //sorry// but you're not sorry. Your consent should be respected. You try to move and gain more solid ground as opposed to being crushed by a guy who is a foot taller than you.
He doesn't let up.
"C'mon, don't be so bitchy about it... you'll love it, Jin."
"No, really," you feel his hand grab around your inner thigh, tightening his position around you, "Let me go."
"You want this as bad as I do," he's smiling... smiling as you confess your feelings about not wanting this. It's a joke to him and it makes you feel sick to your stomach.
"Mike," his hands quickly slip down your pants, "Mike!"
You yell his name now but it just seems to make him //happier//, "You're so funny, Jin... don't pretend you've never wanted this."
[["Stop!"]]He sighs, disappointed, "You're being such a fucking tease right now."
He's never talked to you this way before and it hurts. "I don't want to be here right now," you try to move and gain more solid ground as opposed to being crushed by a guy who is a foot taller than you, "Let me leave."
He doesn't let up.
"Jin, jesus christ, you're being so annoying... Let me make you feel good."
"No, Mike, I want to leave," you feel his hand grab around your inner thigh, tightening his position around you, "Let me go!"
"You want this as bad as I do," he's smiling... smiling as you confess your feelings about not wanting this. It's a joke to him and it makes you feel sick to your stomach, "I've seen the way you look at me."
"Mike," his hands quickly slip down your pants, "Mike!"
You yell his name now but it just seems to make him //happier//, "You're so funny, Jin... don't pretend you've never wanted this."
[["Stop!"]]He doesn't stop, he goes further.
You squirm in disgust as he pulls down your pants, "I've always wanted to see what you look like."
"Stop!" You wonder if screaming will help, "Cut it out, now!"
He laughs //again// "Jin, no one can hear you," he goes in for another long kiss as his fingers dip beneath the waistband of your underwear, "Besides, //everyone// knows how badly you want to sleep with me."
You try to get up as his fingers enter between your legs, it hurts. You've never done this before and it fucking hurts.
"You are hurting me!"
He pushes you down now with one strong hand on your shoulder, "You keep this up I'll really hurt you."
You wonder where Jenna and Jasmine are, praying they come up here looking for you. But what if Mike is right? What if they all think you want this and don't believe he's taking you by force. They'd call you a drama queen... someone who was making all of this up.
He leans into you, his hard penis pressed into your leg. You try moving away only for him to regrab you and pull you back.
"I'll tell you one more fucking time, bitch."
He's never yelled at you... or been //like this// at all.
[["Mike, please...]]You hope, you really hope beyond the alcohol and the awful situation that you can appeal to the friend you know is in there... or at least some human who could see you're upset.
He kisses your neck, keeping a hand on your shoulder and pushing you down.
Slowly, but not slow enough it doesn't hurt, he pushes himself into you.
You scream, it hurts, it hurts so bad. At this point you know you're crying, he's moaning. His eyes are closed and his face is turned away as he pushes into you again, setting a punishing rhythm that rakes your insides.
"Mike this hurts!"
"Oooh, yeah," he's ignoring you completely. That might be the thing that hurts the most.
You can't move, you can't get used to the pace, and you've never felt more uncomfortable and scared.
Is one of your friends really raping you right now?
[[There's nothing you think you can do...]]It feels like there's nothing you can do except wait for him to finish. Every movement rocks you back into the bed and you cringe in a deep pain as he violently goes deeper.
"Oooooh," he's continuing to moan, peppering kisses along your neck as you shut your eyes and wait for it to end, "See I told you you'd love it."
You shut your eyes tighter as he gropes your breasts and sets a faster pace. You think of any place beyond here. You're at home, in your bed, chatting with friends, watching Netflix.
You're not here.
You're not getting raped.
You're not here.
You repeat this mantra to yourself and just wait, wait for it to end.
[["You're not here..."]]He finishes loudly, pushing you painfully into the bed so that he can thrust up one final time.
"Jin that was so good, you're so good," he kisses you again and you feel nothing.
You don't want to look at him... you don't want to speak to him.
He rolls over with you in his arms, his naked genitals pressing in to your bare backside. Hot air brushes against your ear as he collects his breath, he rubs circles around your arms.
It's as if everything that just happened was normal... as normal as two lovers enjoying each other.
You wonder if that's what //he// thought happened. What do you say after this... what do you do... he's a friend, and no one is going to believe you didn't want it, will they?
[[Epilogue Three]]He passes out. It takes only a few minutes but to you if feels like hours. Eventually, though, you are set free. You shake as you get up from the bed, your body hurting.
You're brought to tears by the blood left on the bed taking joy only in the fact that Mike is sleeping in it. You wonder if he'll wake up tomorrow remembering what happened. If he'll know whose blood that is.
The party continues downstairs and you're still trembling as you pull up your pants, you want it to be over. You want to go home. Downstairs you find a very drunk Jenna and Jasmine, suprisingly looking for you.
They're ready to leave and maybe Jenna is too drunk to tell, but you know that Jasmine can see something is wrong. The three of you leave in silence, only breaking it when Jenna begins babbling about the creepy guy from the pong table.
The two of you get Jenna to bed and Jasmine begins to ask about your night. You're numb, and it hurts internally to tell her, knowing full well she loves Mike as much as you do and might not believe him capable of something so horrible. But she does, and her face of shock and horror is what you need.
You're not alone, she tells you. She can help you confront him. She's here to support you... it feels great to hear but you're not ready for anything tonight. It's good to know, for now at least, that you have a friend who believes you.
You decide you will heal at your own pace. You will reclaim your life at your own pace. You will take action if you deem it neccessary.
Right now it's all about putting //you// back in control of //your life// and that is so much easier said than done. You will eventually learn that none of the actions taken that night mattered except for the inexusable actions of your rapist.
[[Resources]]
[[Statistics]]
[[Advocacy]] Lying wide awake at 3:30AM you really felt thankful that you had an Au Pair to wrangle up all three kids for the day. You knew Chef Mark wouldn’t be in until at least 5:30AM, which created quite the current conundrum.
You see, Chef Mark hated having his “kitchen” messed with and no matter how hard you tired, Chef Mark always seemed to know when you made a middle of the night snack.
Debating whether to do just that tonight, the thought crept into your head that your husband would be returning from his business trip this afternoon. He'd be jetlagged as Japanese flights were never his favorite but hopefully he'd be in an OK mood.
After making a mental note to pick up his clothes from the dry cleaning, you decided to snuggle back down back into your plush down-feather duvet before making your mind about that late-night snack.
[[You Go Get That Snack]]
[[Count Those Sheep]]
You knew if Chef Adam said anything to your husband there might be an issue, but you only live once right?
Even if it meant you needed to spend more time on the treadmill you figured the taste of fresh hot pocket would be worth it.
When you wake up, you head downstairs. You listen as the Au Pair takes care of the children and you can hear the chef putzing around the kitchen preparing everyone's meals. A typical day.
After the kids had been dropped off at the school bus stop, you headed to an early brunch with your longtime friend Sandy.
On your way over to the café, the mental note you made earlier pops into your head. “Of course”, you tell yourself, “I’ll just pick up Adam’s dry cleaning after brunch.”
Sandy had been your friend since the summer after your senior year in high school and all through college. In order to help prepare yourself for college, your mom had signed you up for a Yale University “Meet and Greet”, which is where you met Sandy. It would have happened eventually since Sandy was the only other young women from your high school going to Yale.
[[What to Wear – Casual]] – Even though Adam is coming home this afternoon, you decide a pair of yoga pants, Adidas’s athletic shoes, and a sweatshirt are the way to go,
[[What to Wear – Dressy Casual]] – Since Adam is coming home this afternoon a nice pair of dark wash jeans, casual heels, and a warm, but, dressy, blouse.It was cold.
That was what you told your stomach as it grumbled away, Only a few more hours anyways and you could survive. Just to make things more bearable, you figured you would request a Protein Shake to start off your day, while the main breakfast was prepared. Yes, the thought of some healthier food tomorrow should get your hunger through the night.
When you wake up, you head downstairs. You listen as the Au Pair takes care of the children and you can hear the chef putzing around the kitchen preparing everyone's meals. A typical day.
After the kids had been dropped off at the school bus stop, you headed to an early brunch with your longtime friend Sandy.
On your way over to the café, the mental note you made earlier pops into your head. “Of course”, you tell yourself, “I’ll just pick up Adam’s dry cleaning after brunch.”
Sandy had been your friend since the summer after your senior year in high school and all through college. In order to help prepare yourself for college, your mom had signed you up for a Yale University “Meet and Greet”, which is where you met Sandy. It would have happened eventually since Sandy was the only other young women from your high school going to Yale.
[[What to Wear – Casual]] – Even though Adam is coming home this afternoon, you decide a pair of yoga pants, Adidas’s athletic shoes, and a sweatshirt are the way to go,
[[What to Wear – Dressy Casual]] – Since Adam is coming home this afternoon a nice pair of dark wash jeans, casual heels, and a warm, but, dressy, blouse.
Even though Adam is coming home this afternoon, you decide a pair of yoga pants, Adidas’s athletic shoes, and a sweatshirt are the way to go,
Since Adam is coming home this afternoon a nice pair of dark wash jeans, casual heels, and a warm, but, dressy, blouse.
You were excited to talk to Sandy. Since your three boys were getting older, you wanted to kick around the idea of going back to work. The early 2000’s was the last time you had “gone to work”. Everyone would always remind you that you had a “full-time job” in being a housewife with three children, but you had never agreed that being a housewife could be considered a job. Not because you didn’t believe there was any validity to it, but because you felt like you had completely lost who you were in the chaos.You are not alone:
Every 98 seconds an American is sexually assaulted.
On average, there are 321,500 victims (age 12 or older) of rape and sexual assault each year in the United States.
''-Age Statistics-''
Ages 12-34 are the highest risk years for rape and sexual assault.
Those age 65 and older are 92% less likely than 12-24 year olds to be a victim of rape or sexual assault, and 83% less likely than 25-49 year olds.
One in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused before they turn 18 years old
Only 12% of child sexual abuse is ever reported to the authorities
20% - 25% of college women and 15% of college men are victims of forced sex during their time in college
More than 90% of sexual assault victims on college campuses do not report the assault
27% of college women have experienced some form of unwanted sexual contact
Nearly two thirds of college students experience sexual harassment
''-Gender Statistics-''
As of 1998, an estimated 17.7 million American women had been victims of attempted or completed rape.
One out of six American women have been the victim of attempted or completed rape in their lifetime
82% of all juvenile victims are female. 90% of adult rape victims are female.
Females ages 16-19 are 4 times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault.
Women ages 18-24 who are college students are 3 times more likely than women in general to experience sexual violence. Females of the same age who are not enrolled in college are 4 times more likely.
As of 1998, 2.78 million men in the U.S. had been victims of attempted or completed rape.
About 3% of American men—or 1 in 33—have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime.
1 out of every 10 rape victims are male.
21% of TGQN (transgender, genderqueer, nonconforming) college students have been sexually assaulted, compared to 18% of non-TGQN females, and 4% of non-TGQN males.
**One in five women and one in 71 men will be raped at some point in their lives**
In the U.S., one in three women and one in six men experienced //some form of contact sexual violence// in their lifetime
51.1% of female victims of rape reported being raped by an intimate partner and 40.8% by an acquaintance
52.4% of male victims report being raped by an acquaintance and 15.1% by a stranger
''-Mental Health Affects-''
94% of women who are raped experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) during the two weeks following the rape.
30% of women report symptoms of PTSD 9 months after the rape.
33% of women who are raped contemplate suicide.
13% of women who are raped attempt suicide.
Approximately 70% of rape or sexual assault victims experience moderate to severe distress, a larger percentage than for any other violent crime.
People who have been sexually assaulted are more likely to use drugs than the general public.
Health care is 16% higher for women who were sexually abused as children and 36% higher for women who were physically and sexually abused as children
''-How Sexual Assault Affects Relationships-''
38% of victims of sexual violence experience work or school problems, which can include significant problems with a boss, coworker, or peer.
37% experience family/friend problems, including getting into arguments more frequently than before, not feeling able to trust their family/friends, or not feeling as close to them as before the crime.
84% of survivors who were victimized by an intimate partner experience professional or emotional issues, including moderate to severe distress, or increased problems at work or school.
79% of survivors who were victimized by a family member, close friend or acquaintance experience professional or emotional issues, including moderate to severe distress, or increased problems at work or school.
67% of survivors who were victimized by a stranger experience professional or emotional issues, including moderate to severe distress, or increased problems at work or school.
Victims are at risk of pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
In eight out of 10 cases of rape, the victim knew the perpetrator
Eight percent of rapes occur while the victim is at work
''-Vulnerable Communities-''
On average, American Indians ages 12 and older experience 5,900 sexual assaults per year.
American Indians are twice as likely to experience a rape/sexual assault compared to all races.
41% of sexual assaults against American Indians are committed by a stranger; 34% by an acquaintance; and 25% by an intimate or family member.
An estimated 80,600 inmates each year experience sexual violence while in prison or jail.
60% of all sexual violence against inmates is perpetrated by jail or prison staff.
More than 50% of the sexual contact between inmate and staff member—all of which is illegal—is nonconsensual.
14,900 military members experienced unwanted sexual contact in the fiscal year ending September, 2016.
4.3% of active duty women and 0.6% of active duty men experienced unwanted sexual contact in FY16.
Of the 14,900 military survivors, 43% of females and 17% of males reported.
''-Crime Statistics-''
Rape is the most under-reported crime; 63% of sexual assaults are not reported to police
The prevalence of false reporting is low — between 2% and 10%.
Note: //Sexual violence is notoriously difficult to measure, and there is no single source of data that provides a complete picture of the crime. On RAINN’s website, we have tried to select the most reliable source of statistics for each topic. The primary data source we use is the National Crime Victimization Survey (NCVS), which is an annual study conducted by the Justice Department. To conduct NCVS, researchers interview tens of thousands of Americans each year to learn about crimes that they’ve experienced. Based on those interviews, the study provides estimates of the total number of crimes, including those that were not reported to police. While NCVS has a number of limitations (most importantly, children under age 12 are not included), overall, it is the most reliable source of crime statistics in the U.S.//
Statistics Gathered From:
https://www.rainn.org
https://www.nsvrc.org
[[Resources]]
[[Advocacy]]
You can advocate:
1. ''Language is important''. Use phrases like "I'm so sorry" and "you are not alone," to help support survivors. Never use language that may indicate judgement of them: "why did you X," "why couldn't you have Y", and anything that might cause sensations of shame or blame.
1. A. //Some other good phrases to keep in mind are//:
“I believe you. / It took a lot of courage to tell me about this.”
“It’s not your fault. / You didn’t do anything to deserve this.”
“You are not alone. / I care about you and am here to listen or help in any way I can.”
“I’m sorry this happened. / This shouldn’t have happened to you.”
2. ''Believe them''. Make it clear in your actions, your support, your discussions, etc. by telling them you believe them. Tell the survivor directly, “I believe you”.... When a survivor feels believed, you have helped them start to heal.
3. ''React well''. React to their own reactions rather than what you assume about how they're feeling. Don't minimize the assault but don’t make it seem like a catastrophe either. If they don't want it to be the end of their world, don't treat it as such.
4. ''Make them comfortable''. Never start a conversation about their assault with them unprompted. Do not discuss in public unless the survivor has indicated it is okay to do so. Environmental security is important. Ask them what would make them comfortable for sharing.
5. ''Learn about sexual assault and how it is reported''. Learn the structures that make it an atypical legal situation, learn how survivors can seek medical help, or discuss their situations with others and other resources survivors might need. Reporting need not be scary and should be normalized in our conversation.
6. ''Protest, get angry, get involved''. Every person at a rally about seuxal assault, every positive commenter on a story about a survivor, every letter of support, every demonstration of political and ideological dedication to justice for survivors and the end of sexual assault as a cultural norm, is a sign of support.
6. A. //There are many places you can get involved with here are some resources that can help you get started//:
Survivor hotline volunteer information: https://www.rainn.org/volunteer
Find your local volunteer location: https://volopps.rainn.org/
Directory of organizations to get involved in: https://www.nsvrc.org/organizations
7. ''Educate others''. Correct the language of those who may be harming survivors. Don't let others ask, "what was she wearing," help them understand and give them the tools to learn.
8. ''Donate to charities supporting survivors''. If you are able and if you found this experience to be enlightening in some way please consider donating to organizations like ''https://www.rainn.org/'' who need public donations and support now than ever. Just $42 allows RAINN to help one survivor. Most of the resources on the [[Resources]] section will also appreciate donations.
Other resources for advocates:
''https://www.wm.edu/offices/wellness/counselingcenter/students/sexualassault/index.php''
(information shortened from relevant articles on Bustle.com, www.rainn.org)
[[Resources]]
[[Statistics]]
↶↷This is an interactive choose-your-own adventure which involves several difficult, graphic and upsetting topics. If you feel uncomfortable at any time please exit out of the browser and engage in a practice of self care for yourself.
The goal of this game is to have its reader experience, through the medium of a second-person video game, just a few of the scenarios different human beings face every single day involving sexual violence. These stories cannot speak for every identity and in our unfortunate reality are just a few in a sea of many. If you, a coworker, friend, family member, or a person who has confided in you about such topics, find yourself in need of support and help please look to the following resources.
You are not alone. The creators of this game want to offer our voices in the fight against sexual violence because, yes, us too.
Choose Your Character