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Bork, The Great Abortion of A Coherent Narrative by ANONYMOUS

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######   ####  #    # #    #    The Great Abortion of A Coherent Narrative
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You are the great warrior Xyzzy, who has braved the perils of the treasure hunt,
 the dangers of Dam Control Room #3, and the sheer horror of being
where "It is dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue."
The Frobozz Corporation has just financed your latest expedition. An expedition
on which you will embark RIGHT. NOW.
 The question is:
WHAT WILL YOU DO?

Installation (RUN GAME.bat):
Since you are probably downloading this in the form of a compressed archive, you might want to unzip it first so files can be opened correctly. Unless you obtained these files from some sort of eBay compilation set, in which case you should very deservedly be laughed at, and I'm quite sure the "authors" will have included for you some half-working, spyware-laden
installer and you won't have to worry.

Congratulations!
You are now the proud owner of a copy of "Bork: The Meaningless Subterranean Farce"! 

Just simply have the archive uncompressed, make sure you have a somewhat current version of the Java runtime, double-click on the included batch file and enjoy!

Wait? What's that you say? Not using Windows? Why isn't this platform independent in the spirit of Java itself, you ask?
Well, cheap bastards, shell monkeys, and easily taken-in hipsters alike will be happy to know that since the terrible, terrible source code is included, all they need to do is procure a free copy of the JDK and an IDE (even JCreator will do) that runs on their systems, and compile the sucker.

NB: This has only *really* been tested on a dozen or so XP machines.

Background: 
Admittedly, this is an incredibly poor specimen of IF. It is plagued by many of the same problems that plagued the originals OVER 30 YEARS ago. That's quite likely because this was an example of some idiot having a stupid chuckle to himself while thinking up what kind of bullshit would make a fitting final project for his high school's incredibly BASIC computer programming class. Thanks to that bastard, everyone had to do a text adventure for their final, with only three people even knowing what such a strange thing as a "text adventure" even was. 

So while there's absolutely no plot to speak of, the source code included could possibly inspire someone itching to reinvent the wheel and write their own shoddy text adventure in Java, despite the fact that there's a veritable metric ton of far, far more suitable alternatives.

License: 

I suppose that there is the remotest of possibilities in my old age that I might somehow regret not taking 
credit for the authorship of this loosely-cobbled-together bundle of references, and the vast expanses of wealth I might have otherwise gained by it. That said, I sincerely doubt it. The liability of somehow being associated with a work of such poor quality far outweighs any potential benefit.

Therefore: 
THIS PROGRAM IS NOT PROTECTED BY COPYRIGHT LAW, AND CERTAINLY ISN'T PROVIDED FOR IN EITHER CIVIL STATUTE OR INTERNATIONAL TREATIES. I hereby release this work INTO THE PUBLIC DOMAIN under the Copyright Law of the United States of America (and anywhere that still chooses to respect it), such that it can be freely disseminated, dissected, and ignored by the masses. 

If you should ever get the urge to translate this "game" into a more accessible format, let's hazard a guess and say Z-CODE generated by Inform, I would say that that's a profound waste of your time, but that I would not be offended, as long as the translation is done as faithfully to the source material as possible. 

While I personally haven't seen the slightest issue, nor could I even imagine the cause for one, know that this program is released to you for FREE with the express stipulation that I NOR ANYBODY ELSE BUT YOURSELF is responsible for any technical issues, monetary or emotional damages, or short tracts of time irrecoverably wasted in light of your quite honestly foolish choice to run this program.