Why couldn't they just understand that I only ever tried to help them? Why did they want to go ahead and spread lies about me? What was their problem? I loved them. I opened myself up and they hated to see what's inside of me so much that they had to try and ruin me. I didn't want to hurt them. It was just a moment of lost control. I won't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore. I'll lose so much. I can't afford to slip up like that again. I can't.

Someone will appreciate my love one day. It wasn't Vi. It wasn't Reed. It will be someone else. But I need to control myself better. Control is what separates us from animals, and in that brief moment I really was nothing more than a scared animal that got cornered and had to fight its way back. That's nature. I can try to fight it, but it doesn't mean that it won't be stronger than me sometimes. Being human is knowing that there are all sorts of natural urges inside you and choosing to tame them. I need to tame them and make sure I keep them on a short leash so I don't make a mistake like that ever again. I was too easy on myself. Too careless. Now I pay the price. 

It's time to accept that I make sense to nobody but myself. I can't show who I really am to people who aren't ready. Reed wasn't ready. 

Is anyone?