Hello, we are the programmers of RUSSIAN UNDER WARE inc., We are Geoff Shaw and Tony Relyea. We are both students at Va Tech in Blacksburg, VA. We would like to tell you a little bit about RUSSIAN UNDER WARE inc. but first a brief history: First our name, RUSSIAN UNDER WARE, of course, is derived from that famous quote by Abraham Lincoln, "The Russians don't wear underwear." What's that? You say he never said that? Well, if you look in the right places, you'll find it! Therefore, we will attempt to work his name and his quote into all of our games (consider it our trademark); another less known trademark is: Tony Nder who's name is derived from a slight bug in a game made by a lesser company. Of course, you will find NO bugs in any of our games -- NOT!!!!! One more trademark: NUDIBRANCH. What is a nudibranch, you ask if you're too stupid to know. A nudibranch (pronounced "nude a brank") is a smelly sea slug. Why did we choose that? Because great white sharks are boring. Plus the fact that they talk like Arnold Schwartzenegger? (Nud e branch -Nder) I'm the one out there! Another of our trademarks is vinyl with milk. Why, you may ask? You may not realize it, but I just told you. If you're still confused, there's someone in sector 7G who might know. Our official theme song is "The Entertainer". Why? Because it's Russian (underwear) Now is the time when we tell our sob stories so that you will be more inclined to REGISTER your copies of our games. Tony: I am a 17 year-old freshman at Va Tech. I can not afford to live in a dorm, so I camp out in a drainage ditch in front of the football stadium. Our company is based in one of the computer labs on campus, and our mailing center is the local post office. So you see, I have no legs or arms, and I need your money, you know to pay for the part--I mean operations. So REGISTER, REGISTER, REGISTER, REGISTER, REGISTER, REGISTER, REGISTER, REGISTER your games. O K , enough about me, I am more concern of you! Antonio Marc Relyea Geoff: I've known how to program for years, but it wasn't until recently that I actually finished a program. In fact, I never finish anything. I never finished applying to college, so I am not really enrolled. I never finished filling out my meal plan application, so I eat garbage. Of course, so does everyone else on campus. I never finished getting a home, so I live in a van down by the ---- oops, wrong hard luck story. Even worse, I am forced to live with Tony, the only person I've ever known who lies more than I do, with the exception of Ollie North and a few other politicians. Anyway, the reason I finally finished a program is because of....well, we'll explain now. I'll finish this later. So why is our software different from all other software? Because it's better! We, like many other computer players, are fed up with boring and compassionate games that congratulate you when you do a good job, console you when something goes wrong, and have no sense of humor. Our games, on the other hand, laugh at you when something goes wrong, accuse you of cheating if something goes right, and are never too serious. Also, when you get two first class liars like us together, who knows what you might get? Have you ever wanted to tell a king to kiss off? Or piss all over the floor of a dungeon? You can even sail a ship through the Rocky Mountains! (I told you we're liars) Compare these two scenes from games: Congratulations! Thou hast slain thine enemy and aquired 2000 gold pieces! -OR- You lucky SOB! You killed the bad guys and stole 2000 bucks. Now STOP CHEATING, YOU MORON! Now which one seems normal, and which one would you expect from RUSSIAN UNDER WARE, INC.? Well if you don't know, why did you choose our game instead of someone else's? And another thing. If you do know, REGISTER this game. For more information e-mail gbs@vt.edu or arelyea@vt.edu, and if you are doing this during the summer, then ask: Antonio Relyea Geoff Shaw Rt. 4 Box 158A OR 1404 Colleen Lane Louisa, VA 23093-9131 McLean, Va. 22101 If you got something to say to us, then get out there and spend 32› to send us a dagone letter, you fooooooooooooooooooooooooooool. We would say good bye, but it wouldn't be RUSSIAN. (c) 1994, Russian Under Ware Inc., all information in this file was true (trust us) as of December 12, 1994. Addresses (including e-mail), prices, policies, dates of birth, and anything else (hey, we call the shots here) are subject to change without notice (who do you think you are needing to be notified?), however they are also subject to stay the same but you will be notified. Updated information will be sent to REGISTERed users.