*rand dieroll 1 101

*if dieroll = 1
	*set joke "What's red and moves up and down?  A tomato in an elevator!"
	
*if dieroll = 2
	*set joke "What do you call a pony with a cough?  A little horse!"
	
*if dieroll = 3
	*set joke "What did one traffic light say to the other?  Stop looking at me, I'm changing!"
	
*if dieroll = 4
	*set joke "What's a foot long, and slippery?  A slipper!"
	
*if dieroll = 5
	*set joke "Why do people eat snails?  It's because they hate fast food,"
	
*if dieroll = 6
	*set joke "What is sticky and brown? A stick!"
	
*if dieroll = 7
	*set joke "Rest in peace, boiling water.  You will be mist,"
	
*if dieroll = 8
	*set joke "Once upon a time, two artists had an art contest.  It ended in a draw,"
	
*if dieroll = 9
	*set joke "The only way it is possible to get spoiled milk is from a pampered cow,"
	
*if dieroll = 10
	*set joke "Hey, do you know what I saw today?  Everything I looked at!"
	
*if dieroll = 11
	*set joke "What do you call a broken boomerang?  A stick!"
	
*if dieroll = 12
	*set joke "If it's not healthy to eat before going to bed at night, why does my refrigerator have a light inside it?"
	
*if dieroll = 13
	*set joke "Hey, have you ever tried eating a clock?  It's really time-consuming! Especially when you go back for seconds!"
	
*if dieroll = 14
	*set joke "Where do fish sleep?  In the riverbed!"
	
*if dieroll = 15
	*set joke "Last month, I hired a lawyer, and we sued the airport for stealing my luggage.  Unfortunately, I lost my case,"
	
*if dieroll = 16
	*set joke "What did one plate say to another plate?  Tonight, dinner's on me, friend!"
	
*if dieroll = 17
	*set joke "You know, I got lots of jokes about rich kids.  Sadly, none of them work,"
	
*if dieroll = 18
	*set joke "Why did the sun never go to university?  Because it already has a million degrees!"
	
*if dieroll = 19
	*set joke "Why was six afraid of seven?  Because seven ate nine,"
	
*if dieroll = 20
	*set joke "How do trees get online?  They use their log on!"
	
*if dieroll = 21
	*set joke "My partner treats me like a god, ignoring my existence most of the time and only talking to me when they need something,"
	
*if dieroll = 22
	*set joke "Hey, why did the orange stop?  Well, it ran out of juice!"
	
*if dieroll = 23
	*set joke "Where did the sheep gets his hair cut last week?  The baa-baa shop!"
	
*if dieroll = 24
	*set joke "What do dentists call X-rays?  Tooth pics!"
	
*if dieroll = 25
	*set joke "What did the ocean say to the lake?  Nothing.  It just waved,"
	
*if dieroll = 26
	*set joke "Want to hear a joke about construction?  Sorry, I'm still working on it!"
	
*if dieroll = 27
	*set joke "Oh my goodness, did you hear about the fire at the circus?  Well, it was in tents,"
	
*if dieroll = 28
	*set joke "Did you ever wonder why ducks have feathers?  It's to cover their butt quacks!"
	
*if dieroll = 29
	*set joke "Hey friend, do you know why I never trust the stairs? It's because they're always up to something!"

*if dieroll = 30
	*set joke "Why did the bullet lose his job?  Because he got fired!"
	
*if dieroll = 31
	*set joke "What kind of shorts do clouds wear?  Thunderpants!"
	
*if dieroll = 32
	*set joke "What does a house wear?  An address!"
	
*if dieroll = 33
	*set joke "Friend, do you know what the best thing is about Switzerland?  I don't know, but the flag is a big plus,"
	
*if dieroll = 34
	*set joke "I was in the capital the other day, and it was so cold that I saw a politician with his hands in his OWN pockets!"
	
*if dieroll = 35
	*set joke "How many tickles does it require to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles!"
	
*if dieroll = 36
	*set joke "When I was a kid, my teacher told me I would never succeed in life since I procrastinate so much.  I told them, just you wait and see!"
	
*if dieroll = 37
	*set joke "What gets more wet, the more it dries?  A towel!"
	
*if dieroll = 38
	*set joke "Why don't teddy bears ever want to eat anything?  It's because they're stuffed!"
	
*if dieroll = 39
	*set joke "Hey, do you want to hear a joke about a roof?  The first one's on the house!"

*if dieroll = 40
	*set joke "What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?  Attire!"
	
*if dieroll = 41
	*set joke "What did the Buddhist tell the sandwich artist?  Make me one with everything,"
	
*if dieroll = 42
	*set joke "Did you ever wonder why you've never seen an elephant hiding in a tree?  It's because they're really good at it!"
	
*if dieroll = 43
	*set joke "A horse walks into a bar.  The bartender says, hey buddy, why the long face?"
	
*if dieroll = 44
	*set joke "How did the hipster burn his mouth?  He ate his food before it was cool,"
	
*if dieroll = 45
	*set joke "Did you ever wonder why blind people never go skydriving?  It's because it scares the shit out of their dogs!"
	
*if dieroll = 46
	*set joke "What's the difference between a thermometer that goes in your butt and one that goes in your mouth?  Mostly, it's the taste!"
	
*if dieroll = 47
	*set joke "Last night, I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me!"
	
*if dieroll = 48
	*set joke "Do you think it's possible that a kangaroo could jump higher than the capitol building?  Of course!  The capitol building can't jump!"
	
*if dieroll = 49
	*set joke "What did the duck say when she ordered some lipstick?  Put it on my bill,"

*if dieroll = 50
	*set joke "Hey, did you hear about that famous painter who was hospitalized last week?  The doctors say it was due to too many strokes!"
	
*if dieroll = 51
	*set joke "What did the tie say to the hat?  You go on ahead.  I'll hang around,"
	
*if dieroll = 52
	*set joke "You know, I just started a new job last week, working as a tailor.  So far, it's been sew-sew,"
	
*if dieroll = 53
	*set joke "Hey, what kind of shoes does a spy wear when they're working undercover?  Sneakers!"
	
*if dieroll = 54
	*set joke "Hey, what do you call a fake noodle?  An impasta!"
	
*if dieroll = 55
	*set joke "You know, friend, yesterday, someone stole my mood ring.  And I still don't know how I feel about that,"
	
*if dieroll = 56
	*set joke "So, Julius Caesar walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, five beers, please,"
	
*if dieroll = 57
	*set joke "I was feeling positive about the universe yesterday, so I went and tried to catch some fog.  Mist!"
	
*if dieroll = 58
	*set joke "You know, if I ever get another job, I'm going to work in a mirror factory.  It's something I can totally see myself doing,"
	
*if dieroll = 59
	*set joke "Hey, what do you call a dog with no legs?  Doesn't matter, friend.  It's not gonna come when you call,"

*if dieroll = 60
	*set joke "A slice of pizza walks into a bar.  The bartender says, sorry, we don't serve food here,"
	
*if dieroll = 61
	*set joke "Hey, why did the giraffe get such bad grades when she was in school?  It's because she always had her head stuck in the clouds!"
	
*if dieroll = 62
	*set joke "Hey, did you ever wonder why frogs are always so happy?  It's because they eat whatever bugs them!"
	
*if dieroll = 63
	*set joke "Hey, did you hear the sad story about the skeleton who wanted to go to the dance?  Unfortunately, he had no BODY to go with!"
	
*if dieroll = 64
	*set joke "Hey, what do you call a musician with serious problems?  One trebled individual,"
	
*if dieroll = 65
	*set joke "Hey, where do snowmen keep their cash?  In a snowbank!"
	
*if dieroll = 66
	*set joke "Hey, did you ever hear about the carrot who became a detective?  He always got to the root of every case!"
	
*if dieroll = 67
	*set joke "Hey, what do you call a belt with a watch embedded in it?  A waist of time!"
	
*if dieroll = 68
	*set joke "How did the grape respond when someone stepped on it?  It let out a little wine,"
	
*if dieroll = 69
	*set joke "Did you ever wonder why skeletons will never fight one another?  It's because they just don't have the guts!"

*if dieroll = 70
	*set joke "You know one thing I always wondered?  Why isn't their mouse-flavored cat food?"
	
*if dieroll = 71
	*set joke "To be perfectly honest with you, I'm afraid for the calendar.  Its days are really numbered!"
	
*if dieroll = 72
	*set joke "You know, I find that singing in the shower is fun, at least until you get soap in your mouth.  Then it's a soap opera!"
	
*if dieroll = 73
	*set joke "Hey, what do you call a fish who is wearing a top hat and bowtie?  So-fish-ticated!"
	
*if dieroll = 74
	*set joke "When my clothes started shrinking, I thought something was wrong with my washing machine.  But it turned out that it was the refrigerator's fault!"
	
*if dieroll = 75
	*set joke "Hey, did you hear what the janitor said when he jumped out of the closet?  Supplies!"
	
*if dieroll = 76
	*set joke "Hey, what did one wall say to the other wall?  I'll meet you at the corner, my friend,"
	
*if dieroll = 77
	*set joke "The other day, I asked my dog what two minus two is.  She just looked at me and said nothing,"
	
*if dieroll = 78
	*set joke "Hey, do you know what has even more letters than the alphabet?  The post office!"
	
*if dieroll = 79
	*set joke "Hey, did you ever wonder where boats go when they get sick?  To the boat doc!"

*if dieroll = 80
	*set joke "Last week, I went for a hike in the woods.  And I told my partner, I don't trust these trees.  They all seem kind of shady!"
	
*if dieroll = 81
	*set joke "Hey, if you ever want to make friends with a squirrel, all you have to do is act like a nut!"
	
*if dieroll = 82
	*set joke "Hey, what do you call someone with no body, and no nose?  Nobody knows!"
	
*if dieroll = 83
	*set joke "The other day, I tried to get my bicycle to stand up by itself.  But it was two-tired!"
	
*if dieroll = 84
	*set joke "Hey, what did one hat say to the other hat?  You stay here.  I'm going on ahead,"
	
*if dieroll = 85
	*set joke "Hey, do you want to know why my cousin got fired from the banana packing plant?  He kept throwing away all the crooked ones!"
	
*if dieroll = 86
	*set joke "You know, the cemetery here in town is starting to get a little overcrowded.  People are just DYING to get in!"
	
*if dieroll = 87
	*set joke "At what hour did the old man go to the dentist?  Tooth hurt-y!"
	
*if dieroll = 88
	*set joke "Before going to bed at night, what do bees use to brush their hair?  A honeycomb!"
	
*if dieroll = 89
	*set joke "Did you ever wonder why math books are always so sad? It's because of all their problems!"

*if dieroll = 90
	*set joke "Did you ever wonder what kind of shoes ninjas wear?  Sneakers!"
	
*if dieroll = 91
	*set joke "Hey, do you know what runners eat before the big race?  Nothing.  They fast!"
	
*if dieroll = 92
	*set joke "How much do pirate pay for their corn? A buck an ear!"
	
*if dieroll = 93
	*set joke "Did you hear about the old man who fell into a well?  Turns out that he couldn't see that well!"
	
*if dieroll = 94
	*set joke "Hey, do you know what's even worse than finding a worm in your apple?  Finding half a worm!"
	
*if dieroll = 95
	*set joke "What did the big flower say to the little flower?  Hi there, bud!"
	
*if dieroll = 96
	*set joke "Hey, do you know why my son threw his clock out the window the other day?  It's because he wanted to see time fly,"
	
*if dieroll = 97
	*set joke "Did you hear about the pony who got sent to detention?  It was because he wouldn't stop horsing around!"
	
*if dieroll = 98
	*set joke "Hey, what do you call a bear with no ears?  A 'B'!"
	
*if dieroll = 99
	*set joke "The other day, some guys were caught dumping peanut butter in the middle of the road.  They said it was to go with the traffic jam,"

*if dieroll = 100
	*set joke "What did the cupcake say to its frosting?  Baby, I'd be muffin without you,"
	
*if dieroll = 101
	*set joke "Hey, do you know how to stop an astronaut's baby from crying?  You rocket!"
	
*if dieroll = 102
	*set joke "What kind of tree fits in your hand?  A palm tree!"
	
*if dieroll = 103
	*set joke "Hey, what did the poop say to the fart?  Baby, you really blow me away!"
	
*if dieroll = 104
	*set joke "Hey, did you hear about the librarian who was kicked off their flight?  Turns out, the flight was overbooked,"
	
*if dieroll = 105
	*set joke "Whom did the zombie take to the dance?  His ghoul friend!"
	
*if dieroll = 106
	*set joke "Hey, what do you call an extremely rich elf?  Welfy!"
	
*if dieroll = 107
	*set joke "What's the best way to talk to a giant?  Use big words!"
	
*if dieroll = 108
	*set joke "Hey, what do you call an old snowman?  Water!"
	
*if dieroll = 109
	*set joke "Hey, do you know what elves do after they get home from school?  Their gnome work!"

*if dieroll = 110
	*set joke "What is a mummy's favorite type of music?  Wrap music!"
	
*if dieroll = 111
	*set joke "What did King Lognoth say to Lord Boudrin before they got in the car?  Boudrin, get in the car!"
	
*return