The following is a transcript of a walk through the interactive fiction title "Busted". As far as practical, it relies on logical actions as determined from information already revealed in the current session and the reasonable expectations of a player familiar with interactive fiction in general, but not this title in particular. The final score is 158 points out of a possible 154, in 252 turns. * * * It's late in the day, classes were hellish, and the last thing you need is to come home and hear this on your answering machine: "Hey man, it's Keith. The pigs finally got me, and if they ever manage to find my address book, they'll probably be coming for you too. I can't tell you where I've hidden it, for obvious reasons, but if I were you I'd try to find it first, along with any other questionable items you may have "lost." By the way, I wouldn't hang around your room too much - that's the first place they look for you... Damn! Time's up, I gotta go... good luck!" BUSTED Psychedelic Interactive Fiction (not to be taken internally) Copyright (c) 1994 Scumbag Software, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Release 4 / Serial number 941223 / Inform v1402 Library 5/7 Dorm Room You are in your dorm room, in Linnell House. It is bigger than a breadbox, but not by much. The door is to the north. There is a standard-issue dorm table here, on which are a wallet (which is closed), a hastily scrawled note and an ash tray. >inventory You are carrying a joint and a cigarette lighter. You're feeling pretty hungry. >search ashtray You poke around in the refuse and unearth a roach that you had forgotten about! (Not surprising, given what you were doing when you created it.) >take roach Taken. >open wallet You open the wallet, revealing thirty dollars cash and an ID card. Suddenly your girlfriend Sydnee comes storming in. "You bastard!" she screams, "I'm through with you and your flakiness!" Before you can ameliorate her, she flings the teddy bear you gave her for your two-week anniversary at you and says, "You can keep your stupid bear, asshole!" She slams the door very hard, knocking it off one of its hinges. >take cash,id thirty dollars cash: Taken. ID card: Taken. >examine id It's got you on it, looking very confused, and a bunch of numbers. Your student identification number is A2487493. Unfortunately, it is out of date, as the sticker on it says it expired last semester. >read note It says: MO3XYAN2L. >n You grab an elevator and head outside... Outside Linnell House The diligently landscaped area outside of your dorm contains a few anorexic shrubs and some wild crabgrass. To the south is the red brick hell you call home. A muddy path leads north. >n Suddenly, a figure in a long trench coat stumbles out of a nearby bush. He trips on a tree root and grabs you for support, in the process accidentally jabbing you with a hypodermic! "Oops. Sorry, pal!" Before you can react, he giggles and dashes off! Outside Dining Commons You're on a path outside of the white stone building (to the west) which serves as the dining commons for this area. You are not surprised to notice a large "biohazard" sign on the building. The squat structure of your dorm is visible off to the south, and the path leads east as well. >w Dining Commons Entrance It smells like a rubbish tip in here - and only a bit less appetizing. The grubby linoleum leads south to the main atrium and back out to the east. A Dining Commons line lady sits here on her stool, chewing gum and making occasional rude sucking noises with it. >s The DC lady, always on the lookout for vermin like yourself, jumps up and screams "NOT SO FAST, BUD." You shrink back in alarm. She smiles cruelly and demands, "Let's see some ID." >show lady id The DC lady runs it through the little machine that tells her whether or not you've been blacklisted. It obviously gives her good news because she nods towards the south and mutters, "Go ahead, brat." [Your score has just gone up by five points.] >s Dining Commons Atrium If bricks could speak, it's likely that the ones in this room would say "hey, don't throw that chipped beef at me." You spy the non-smoking section of the DC off to the southwest, and the smog enshrouded smoking section to the southeast. A line of students snakes its way up to a window where one may obtain what the DC, despite all logic, calls "food." >wait in line After an interminable wait, you collect a tray full of unexciting food. >eat food You attempt to spear a mouthful, but the mystery meat dodges your feeble blow. You're going to have to be a lot more desperate before you'll be able to eat any of this stuff. Your stomach is growling very loudly. You should probably try to get some food into it soon. You're beginning to feel a little bit drugged. >sw No Smoking Section Cheap formica tables, uncomfortable chairs... What else do you expect from a cafeteria? Whatever it is, you won't find it here. The linoleum path cuts diagonally through the room, leading northeast to the atrium and southeast to the dish room. Stuck into the floor is a hardwood table. On the table is a black pepper shaker. Your stomach is growling very loudly. You should probably try to get some food into it soon. >se Dish Room This is where luckless students do the dishes for thousands of their hungry peers, three times a day. Correspondingly, an air of intense gloom and broken spirits pervades the region. You can effect your return to the DC proper by going northeast or northwest. The kitchen is to the west, but a sign over the door cautions "Authorized Personnel Only" Your friend Milton, now a DC employee, is standing around looking hung over. Your stomach is growling very loudly. You should probably try to get some food into it soon. >milton, hello "Hey dude, rock and roll. Got any smoke? I've been straight for almost 40 minutes now!" Your stomach is growling very loudly. You should probably try to get some food into it soon. >give milton roach "Not like I don't appreciate this or anything dude, but ain't you got anything bigger?" Your stomach is growling very loudly. You should probably try to get some food into it soon. >give milton joint "Great bone, dude. But I don't have a lighter." He hands it right back to you with a sad puppy-dog look on his face. Your stomach is growling very loudly. You should probably try to get some food into it soon. >ne Smoking Section It smells like an airport lounge, only worse. However, given the caliber of the cooking in this place, it could be a lot worse. You can bring your dirty plates to the dish room to the southwest, or head back out, to the northwest. Your stomach is growling very loudly. You should probably try to get some food into it soon. >light roach (with the cigarette lighter) The roach catches. Smells nice! Your stomach is growling very loudly. You should probably try to get some food into it soon. >smoke roach Ah! That's great, really good. Just enough to give you a nice buzz, too. And it goes down so smooth... You notice that you're starting to develop a case of the munchies. Your stomach is growling very loudly. You should probably try to get some food into it soon. >eat food In your state of extreme munchiness, you manage to ignore the fact that this is possibly the most repulsive substance ever to go under the label of "food" in the history of the world. Well, maybe not that bad, but certainly not good... As it slides down your throat, you imagine you hear whimpering. [Your score has just gone up by five points.] >drop tray Dropped. >light joint (with the cigarette lighter) The end of the joint starts to burn. The sweet smell of dope wafts into your twitching nostrils. You salivate madly - Pavlov would be well pleased. >drop lighter Dropped. >sw Dish Room Your friend Milton, now a DC employee, is standing around looking hung over. >give milton joint A huge grin spreads over Milton's face. "Righteous!" he exclaims. Suddenly, he appears worried, and with a sharpness of mind you initially thought him completely incapable of, he blurts out: "Can't smoke this out here. I've got it! Let's go into the kitchen, nobody will notice there... One problem - you're not dressed properly. Wait here." Milton sneaks off, then quickly returns with an apron and visor, which he hands to you. You put on the uniform and follow him into the kitchen... Milton wanders off to get wasted and leaves you to your own devices. Kitchen They cook here, but only a far more generous soul would call it food. The smell is almost overwhelming. A small closet is north, and you can go back to the dish room east. Your friend Milton, now a DC employee, is standing around looking stoned out of his mind. Someone has left a bottle of cooking oil out on a counter. >take oil Taken. >n Closet You are standing in a rather cramped closet filled with enough sugared cereal to rot holes in every tooth on the entire campus - and that's a lot of teeth. A sturdy metal ladder leads up, and the kitchen is south. A ladder runs from the floor through a skylight in the ceiling. You can also see a box of cereal here. >take cereal Taken. >open cereal You open the box of cereal. >pour cereal You rattle out a whole mess of Satan Crunchies all over you and the ground. You also dislodge the free prize, which turns out to be a pentacle on a silver chain! >drop cereal Dropped. >take pentacle Taken. >u Roof Up on a slate roof with an unspectacular view of the campus, which, from this vantage point, rather resembles a sty, what with the muddy paths, wooden fences, and all. It's actually not in such bad shape right now, given that most of the little oinkers are home on holiday. The top of a ladder leads down back into the closet. A cute little glass bong is here. >take bong Taken. >jump At this point, you would probably expect me to tell you that your graceless leaping puts your foot through the roof, or you lose your footing and slide to an ignominious death. Well, forget it. You just jump and land. That's it. Kind of a letdown, huh? >d Closet A ladder runs from the floor through a skylight in the ceiling. You can also see a box of cereal here. >s Kitchen Your friend Milton, now a DC employee, is standing around looking stoned out of his mind. >doff visor You take off the official dining commons visor. >doff apron You take off the official dining commons apron. >e Dish Room >drop apron,visor official dining commons apron: Dropped. official dining commons visor: Dropped. >ne Smoking Section You can see a cigarette lighter and a food tray here. >nw Dining Commons Atrium A line of students snakes its way up to a window where one may obtain what the DC, despite all logic, calls "food." >n Dining Commons Entrance A Dining Commons line lady sits here on her stool, chewing gum and making occasional rude sucking noises with it. >e You skulk out of the dining commons... Outside Dining Commons >e Path You're plodding noisily along a muddy east-west path. Offensive squelching noises accompany each footstep. Some grey and scraggly trees punctuate the sides in a half-hearted attempt to make this industrial nightmare look slightly more natural. >e Outside Campus Center The campus center is a bizarre building, looking somewhat like a giant Belgian waffle perched precariously on large concrete pillars. Going east will take you inside this complex, and the path remains to the west. >e Campus Center Concourse A long stretch of flagstone paved floor leads off to the east. A sign indicates the music and reading room to the south. The door through which you entered is west. >s Music Room Although this place is usually full of bookish types in full-on study mode, the room is strangely deserted right now. The large (soundproof) glass doors are north. You can see a Sony walkman (which is closed) here. >take walkman Taken. >n Campus Center Concourse >e Campus Center Concourse A long stretch of flagstone paved floor runs both east and west. There are usually many tables filled with ideological zealots hawking a new religion or ski club or CIA recruitment plan, but right now there is one lone Jesus Freak table, and it's to the north. Off to the south is the information desk and lost and found area. >drop bear Dropped. >s Information Desk A giant map of campus, a marble desk, and a lost and found box: these are the joys of the information desk. The equal thrill of the concourse can be found to the north. A young woman, presumably the information desk receptionist, lies slumped over the cool marble, apparently asleep. You can also see a lost and found box (which is closed) here. >open box You open the lost and found box, revealing an umbrella and a pair of gloves. >take gloves Taken. >wear gloves You put on the pair of gloves. >take umbrella Taken. >open umbrella You open the umbrella. A small alien spaceship suddenly materializes out of thin air. Five greenish blobs with antennae ooze down an exit ramp and drop a shiny bottle at your feet. After a quick burst of alien gibberish, they roll excitedly back into the ship, which just as suddenly vanishes. >examine liquid The bottle is labeled "Magic Anti-Hallucination Elixir." >drink liquid Of course, the whole episode with the aliens and the bottle turns out to be nothing more than a particularly vivid hallucination. Whatever that guy shot you up with is pretty potent stuff! The bottle and all its contents are now nothing but a memory. >n Campus Center Concourse You can see a teddy bear here. >e Campus Center Concourse You're at a T-intersection. The concourse runs east-west, with a branch to the north. The grey flagstone is as uninspiring here as it is everywhere else. There is an expensive pair of Vuarnet sunglasses here. >e Campus Center Concourse This is the eastern end of the concourse. From the north comes futuristic sounds and many flashing lights. A door to the east leads outside. >e Outside Campus Center You are standing on a path east of the campus center. From the north you hear the quacks of ducks at the campus pond. A large grate in the ground belches an unpleasant-smelling cloud of steam into the air. >open grate It looks like it could be pulled out, but the edges have rusted. >pour oil on grate The oil soaks into the rust on the grating. >drop bottle Dropped. >n Campus Pond This is the pond, crossroads of the campus. Famed for its man-made beauty and the indigenous strain of ducks which is unbelievably resistant to ordinary pollutants. They also manage to subsist almost entirely on a diet of stale bread and popcorn, a mystery which has fascinated many of the country's eminent zoologists. To the north is the much-reviled Whitmore Administration Building. The country's tallest public library can be found to the east. A busy street is west of here, and the Campus Center is gleaming dully off to the south. >e A few bricks bounce harmlessly off your umbrella. Outside Library The library is a masterpiece of engineering. Standing twenty-six stories tall, it is the tallest public library in the country. Unfortunately, due to a spectacular oversight, the builders neglected to take into account the weight of a million books, and the building is sinking into the ground slowly but surely. Also, bricks keep falling off of it. The entrance is east, and the quacks of ducks can be heard to the west. >e Library Entrance The lobby here is made of cool marble. Signs point out the Card Catalog room to the north and the exit to the west. >n Card Catalogue Room Most of the typical card catalog files have been replaced by modern computer equipment in an attempt to make life much more convenient for the students. Someone neglected to tell the planners that index cards aren't subject to power failures or disk crashes, however. There is a small computer terminal here, hooked up to the library database. >examine terminal Due to a rash of book thefts, the library management have installed a computer which is hooked up to the stacks. All you have to do is type the nine-character access code of the book you want, and it will be delivered to you. There is also a small slot in the front of the computer. >examine slot It looks like it could accept something about the size of a credit card. >put id in slot You put the ID card into the slot. >type mo3xyan2l on terminal The machine seems satisfied and prints "THOTH PREFACE" on the display. The book comes tumbling out a hidden chute and lands in a heap on the floor. >open book You rifle the pages, noting the copyright page, table of contents, preface, forward and so forth. >examine preface It says "My Experiences With LSD." The page is oddly perforated, with a strange rainbow pattern underneath the text. >tear preface You rip the page out of the book. Upon closer inspection, you notice that it's really a sheet of acid, with the preface printed on top. >take id Taken. >s Library Entrance >w Outside Library >w Campus Pond >drop umbrella Dropped. >s Outside Campus Center A large grate in the ground belches an unpleasant-smelling cloud of steam into the air. You can also see an empty bottle here. >open grate With much puffing and exertion, you manage to ease up one end of the grate. >d Storm Drain You've clambered down a ladder to a rather slimy ledge, and are now up to your ankles in brackish water. The water swirls around and through the drain to the southwest. Lying in a small alcove is a metal tool chest. >open chest You open the tool chest, revealing a pair of pliers. >take pliers Taken. You hear the murmurings of workmen somewhere in the drain. >u You clamber up the ladder and emerge from the hole to the curious stares of passers-by. Outside Campus Center A large grate has been moved aside, allowing access to the storm drain below. You can also see an empty bottle here. >w Campus Center Concourse >w Campus Center Concourse There is an expensive pair of Vuarnet sunglasses here. >n Elevator Lobby Elevators usually arrive here, but, like everything, it's a bit of a crap shoot. Only one is currently working, and it is sitting here with its doors open waiting to take some unsuspecting dupe to the floor of their choice. The concourse is south. There is an elevator waiting here, its doors open. >get in elevator Hotel Elevator You're in a small elevator which reeks of tobacco. Knife-carved graffiti adorns the walls. A small panel of buttons is located to the left of the door. >examine buttons There are three, labeled "H," "L," and "C." You are beginning to feel sleepy. >press h The doors slam shut, the elevator moves with a whoosh that simultaneously puts your stomach in your brain and your teeth in your shoes. The door whips open again, almost throwing you out. >get out Hotel Hallway This little waiting area smells slightly of disinfectant and gives way to a hall full of rooms, to the west. There is an elevator waiting here, its doors open. >w There's no point, you couldn't get into any of the rooms now anyway. >get in elevator Hotel Elevator You're in a small elevator which reeks of tobacco. Knife-carved graffiti adorns the walls. A small panel of buttons is located to the left of the door. >press l The doors slam shut, the elevator moves with a whoosh that simultaneously puts your stomach in your brain and your teeth in your shoes. The door whips open again, almost throwing you out. >get out Hotel Lobby This is actually a very nice place to relax _ overstuffed sofas and tall picture windows provide a comfortable environment in which to chill, read the paper, or just blow off classes. The main desk is to the north. There is an elevator waiting here, its doors open. >n Hotel Desk Supposedly you can get a room here, but I've never heard of anyone actually managing the trick. When you decide to give up, the lobby is south. Standing behind the front desk is a perky looking hotel employee. >ask employee about room She sneers. "Yeah, we got a room for you. The rates are $50 per night for non- students, but only $30 for students. I'll need some ID before I can give you the student rate, of course." >show employee id She looks at it and screams, "OH MY GOD!! IT'S OUT OF DATE!!" Whipping out a previously unseen pair of pruning shears, she cleaves it in twain. She frowns. "Go to the Whitmore Administration Building, Bursar's Office, and get a copy of form SR97. Bring it back with the money, and then I'll give you the room." >s Hotel Lobby There is an elevator waiting here, its doors open. >get in elevator Hotel Elevator You're in a small elevator which reeks of tobacco. Knife-carved graffiti adorns the walls. A small panel of buttons is located to the left of the door. >press c The doors slam shut, the elevator moves with a whoosh that simultaneously puts your stomach in your brain and your teeth in your shoes. The door whips open again, almost throwing you out. >get out Elevator Lobby There is an elevator waiting here, its doors open. >s Campus Center Concourse There is an expensive pair of Vuarnet sunglasses here. >e Campus Center Concourse >e Outside Campus Center A large grate has been moved aside, allowing access to the storm drain below. You can also see an empty bottle here. >n Campus Pond There is an open umbrella nearby. >n Outside Whitmore Imagine all the worst bureaucratic excesses you can, multiply by ten, and'll you have a fair idea of the thievery and ineptitude that rules in the Whitmore Administration Building, possibly the most loathed structure on the entire campus. If you dare, you can enter to the north, or retreat to the pastoral grace of the pond south. >n Whitmore Entrance You're in the dungeon of doom. There aren't any skeletons chained to the walls, but I suspect that's because the janitors just finished cleaning this area a few minutes ago. Unsettling moans of pain and the sound of cash registers indicate that the Bursar's office is west. You may wimp out to the south. There is an enormous crowd of people here, all waiting in line to get to the Bursar's office. If you wait in this line, I estimate that it will take 7 years to get to the front. There is a sign here. >w You attempt to get into the office but a burly jock grabs you and stuffs you at the end of the line. He glares, but doesn't say anything, probably because he doesn't know how yet. >examine sign The sign hangs on the wall, with a pivot point in the middle. It reads: BURSAR'S OFFICE <------ >turn sign You deftly snap the sign around so it's pointing in the opposite direction. The reaction happens slowly but surely... The crowd notices that they've been waiting in the wrong line! A few brave souls get in line in another room, and soon there is a stampede for the other end of the hall! [Your score has just gone up by ten points.] >w Bursar's Office The castle treasury! Many students have found out the hard way that the administration can take an infinite amount without giving away one penny. You may effect your escape to the east. A neanderthal bureaucrat (name tag: "Bob.") stands here waiting to make your life more of a living hell than it already is. As you enter, the gentleman behind the desk smiles and says, "Howdy, what can I do for you?" >ask bob about sr97 "Yup, we got one of them. Just give me your name and I'll get you the form." >bob, name Bob looks shocked, as if English is a foreign language to him. >inventory You are carrying a pair of pliers, a sheet of high-powered blotter acid, a pair of gloves (being worn), a Sony walkman (which is closed), a bong, a pentacle on a chain and thirty dollars cash. >look Bursar's Office The castle treasury! Many students have found out the hard way that the administration can take an infinite amount without giving away one penny. You may effect your escape to the east. A neanderthal bureaucrat (name tag: "Bob.") stands here waiting to make your life more of a living hell than it already is. >ask bob about name No reply. >bob, form "No problem. Just give me your name and I'll get you the form." Bob's phone rings. "Hi there, this is B32415, how can I help you? Uh huh... Yes... Yes... Sure... Listen, DZ-8014, you tell Mr. F593525 that if it's so important, he can come ask me in person!" He slams the phone down, readjusts his smile (which has dropped a bit) and says, "Sorry about that, pal. Now, what were you wanting?" >bob, a2487493 Bob exhales and the scent of garlic nearly knocks you off your feet. "Here ya go, pal. Have a nice day." He hands you the form. You're starting to feel quite tired. You'd better find somewhere to sleep soon. >e Whitmore Entrance There is a sign here. >s Outside Whitmore >s Campus Pond There is an open umbrella nearby. >s Outside Campus Center A large grate has been moved aside, allowing access to the storm drain below. You can also see an empty bottle here. >w Campus Center Concourse >w Campus Center Concourse There is an expensive pair of Vuarnet sunglasses here. >n Elevator Lobby There is an elevator waiting here, its doors open. >get in elevator Hotel Elevator You're in a small elevator which reeks of tobacco. Knife-carved graffiti adorns the walls. A small panel of buttons is located to the left of the door. >press l The doors slam shut, the elevator moves with a whoosh that simultaneously puts your stomach in your brain and your teeth in your shoes. The door whips open again, almost throwing you out. >get out Hotel Lobby There is an elevator waiting here, its doors open. >n Hotel Desk Standing behind the front desk is a perky looking hotel employee. >give employee sr97 She looks at it and says, "OK. I guess I have no choice." She grabs the $30 from you and glumly hands you the hotel room key. [Your score has just gone up by five points.] >s Hotel Lobby There is an elevator waiting here, its doors open. >get in elevator Hotel Elevator You're in a small elevator which reeks of tobacco. Knife-carved graffiti adorns the walls. A small panel of buttons is located to the left of the door. >press h The doors slam shut, the elevator moves with a whoosh that simultaneously puts your stomach in your brain and your teeth in your shoes. The door whips open again, almost throwing you out. >get out Hotel Hallway There is an elevator waiting here, its doors open. >w You take a look at the key, stride purposefully towards the correct room, and unlock the door... Hotel Room You are in your room at the hotel. You wonder briefly about the mental state of the interior designer who thought up this color scheme, and hope to yourself that he or she faced a slow and painful death, preferably involving thousands of stinging insects. There is a door to the south. >sleep This is a nice safe place to recover your strength. After a few hours of some really serious shuteye, you awake feeling much refreshed, although the hallucinogenic chemical in your bloodstream is still nagging at the back of your brain. >s You head back to the elevator lobby. Hotel Hallway There is an elevator waiting here, its doors open. >get in elevator Hotel Elevator You're in a small elevator which reeks of tobacco. Knife-carved graffiti adorns the walls. A small panel of buttons is located to the left of the door. >press c The doors slam shut, the elevator moves with a whoosh that simultaneously puts your stomach in your brain and your teeth in your shoes. The door whips open again, almost throwing you out. >get out Elevator Lobby There is an elevator waiting here, its doors open. >s Campus Center Concourse There is an expensive pair of Vuarnet sunglasses here. >drop key Dropped. >take sunglasses Taken. >e Campus Center Concourse >n The visual stimulation of all the flashing lights and computer graphics is too much for your drug-addled brain. You retreat in horror, as intense hallucinations bombard your distressed visual cortex. >wear sunglasses You put on the pair of sunglasses. >n The bleeping and pinging of the machines is subtle at first, but in your altered state, the compounding of millions of sound effects becomes a din so tremendous that your brain threatens to explode. You retreat... >wear walkman You put on the Sony walkman. >play walkman Music dribbles tinnily out of the headphones. >n Wearing the walkman is effective in blocking out the sounds of the arcade, but Kate Bush is, of course, the most amazing vocalist and songwriter in the world. Unfortunately, her music is just too much and you wind up listening to it, rather than concentrating on mundane activities like walking. To sum it up, you walk into a wall, rather than the arcade. >stop walkman You jab the stop button and the Walkman obediently grinds to a halt. >open walkman Opening the walkman reveals a Kate Bush tape. >take tape Taken. >drop tape Dropped. >w Campus Center Concourse You can see a hotel room key here. >w Campus Center Concourse You can see a teddy bear here. >n Jesus Loves You You are at a large table dotted with colourful pamphlets and covered by a felt sign that sums up the belief system of this particular cult with admirable brevity: "Jesus is Lord". The concourse passes by to the south. A pimply, straggly haired Jesus Freak, his face beaming with the inane smile of the truly stupid mans the table, passing out pamphlets and shouting "Jesus loves you!" at unsuspecting passers-by. The Jesus Freak shouts "Praise the Lord! Another sinner has come to seek salvation!" >examine freak By the glazed look in his eye, you can tell that he's been brainwashed by some insidious mind-control cult. Currently, he's waving a Barry Manilow tape and shouting out anti-rock-and-roll slogans. >ask freak about tape The zealot looks excited - you are the first person in days to talk to him. "Ah yes, that there's a tape of the demonaic Barry Manilow, whose songs are scientifically proven to cause cancer, herpes, gangrene, and halitosis in all rational creatures. Would you like to take a closer look at it?" As he hands it to you, you realize that you may have more in common with the zealot than you'd like to admit. He begins to preach loudly and monotonously about the evils of rock and roll. >s The zealot leaps up and grabs your arm. "Hey buddy, don't leave with my Barry Manilow tape. I need it to point out the evils of pop music to the rest of the Lord's flock." The Jesus Freak flips through his pocket Bible and looks up a particularly heartwarming (to him) passage. >show freak pentacle The zealot's eyes light on the devil's insignia and begin to glaze over. He starts to froth at the mouth and scream incoherent nonsense (although the difference is not immediately apparent). Making the sign of the cross, he backs away from you and runs off to parts unknown. [Your score has just gone up by five points.] >drop pentacle Dropped. >doff walkman You take off the Sony walkman. >put tape in walkman You put the Barry Manilow tape into the Sony walkman. >close walkman You close the Sony walkman. >wear walkman You put on the Sony walkman. >play walkman Music dribbles tinnily out of the headphones. >s Campus Center Concourse You can see a teddy bear here. >take bear Taken. >e Campus Center Concourse You can see a hotel room key here. >e Campus Center Concourse You can see a Kate Bush tape here. >n With the sunglasses blocking out the visual portion, and the bland sounds of Barry Manilow muting the sound effects, you are able to stand in the arcade without freaking out due to overstimulation. Arcade Addicted youth stand around video and pinball machines, wiggling their bodies lewdly, occasionally shouting incomprehensible phrases like "Go fer the hill!" and "Lionman!" The concourse is back to the south, and light from the Student Union filters in through a window in a steel door to the east. One pinball machine catches your eye. You can also see a steel locker set (which is closed) here. >examine pinball It's not working at the moment, and you notice a quarter jammed in the coin slot, which goes some way towards explaining this. >take quarter Your fingers are too fat to reach into the slot. >take quarter with pliers The pliers grab the quarter and it falls to the floor with a satisfying metallic clink. >drop pliers Dropped. >take quarter Taken. >open locker You open the steel locker set, revealing a Cheech 'n' Chong lunch box. >take box Taken. [Your score has just gone up by four points.] >open box You open the Cheech 'n' Chong lunch box, revealing an ecstasy capsule and a vial of liquid. >take vial,ecstasy vial of liquid: Taken. ecstasy capsule: Taken. >put bong in box You put the bong into the Cheech 'n' Chong lunch box. >put acid in box You put the sheet of high-powered blotter acid into the Cheech 'n' Chong lunch box. >e The steel door locks behind you. Student Union Lots of interesting things happen here: crowds rally and riot for their ideals, heated intellectual debates are fought and won, ideas are sociably interchanged... but mainly a lot of people stand around staring at the television sets mounted in the walls. There is a small alcove to the east and a set of scuffed stairs leads up and down. >u Staircase This is a long and broad staircase which leads to the RSO offices. It, like most staircases, leads up and down. >u RSO Corridor The offices of many diverse student groups litter this corridor, in both the literal and figurative senses. There is a staircase at the south end of the hall. There are no lights on in any of the offices, except for one which is to the north. >n Republican Club This place displays what is really wrong with America today. You've got your George Bush photos on the wall, PMRC literature scattered on a table, "Come Back George - All Is Forgiven" bumper stickers and other offensive paraphernalia. By the odious smell of elephant, you judge the fellow in the pinstripe suit to be a Republican. His name tag says "HELLO MY NAME IS M. Greg Rothman (but my friends call me "M")" >examine greg For one thing, he's an obnoxious bastard. Also, he's clearly upset - probably about the Democrats being back in power. But then again, what do you expect from a Republican? Currently, he's fingering a small postal scale that looks suspiciously like scales used for measuring bags of marijuana. His intent is more political, as he is weighing propaganda booklets for mailing. >examine scale Your initials and student ID are engraved into the metal. Although it seemed like a good idea at the time, you realize that perhaps discretion would have been smarter. Live and learn. >give greg ecstasy Rothman looks at the gelatin capsule. "Oh boy! Vitamins! Gotta keep up the strength if we're to keep America american!" He pops the capsule and sighs contentedly. >wait Time passes. >wait Time passes. >wait Time passes. A happy grin breaks out on M. Greg's face. He starts to giggle uncontrollably and fondle the desk. "Wow! Real Plywood!" Greg giggles and fondles the desk. >give greg bear As soon as his now-overly-sensitized flesh comes into contact with the plush teddy, an inane smile breaks out on Rothman's face. The effect is extremely unsettling. In a giggly blissed out voice, he tells you, "Oh, gosh, you're so nice!! Gee, I don't know what I could possibly ever do to repay you for being such a nice person. Oh here, why don't you take this scale? I guess I don't really need to mail out these propaganda booklets. Politics is such a bore. I'd much rather go out and play with flowers!" (As he chatters on, you realize that you preferred him when he was a grumpy, uptight Republican.) You take the scale and leave Rothman to fondle the teddy bear. Greg giggles and fondles the desk. [Your score has just gone up by nineteen points.] >put scale in box You put the weighing scale into the Cheech 'n' Chong lunch box. Greg giggles and fondles the desk. >close box You close the Cheech 'n' Chong lunch box. Greg giggles and fondles the desk. >s RSO Corridor >s Staircase >d Student Union >e Vend-O-Mat This is nothing more than a small recessed area with a meager selection of vending machines: newspaper and drinks only, really. You can return west to the Student Union proper. You can see a newspaper vending machine and a drinks vending machine here. >examine drinks Tall and covered with a fake wood design that puts you in mind of cheap recreation rooms in suburban tract housing. It claims to offer tea, coffee and chicken soup for a quarter. >put quarter in drinks The machine swallows the quarter and makes a reassuring mechanical clicking noise. Press one of the selection buttons now, I guess. >press coffee The drinks dispenser drops a cup into its chute and a concealed nozzle quickly fills the cup with thin liquid. >drink coffee (the cup of coffee) It's fairly gross, but being a veteran of caffeine-fueled all night study sessions helps you deal with it. You toss the cup in a nearby trash receptacle, and soon thereafter begin to feel a familiar caffeine buzz. >w Student Union >d A steel door at the bottom of the stairs swings shut behind you and locks with a soft click. Campus Center Concourse You can see a Kate Bush tape here. >e Outside Campus Center A large grate has been moved aside, allowing access to the storm drain below. You can also see an empty bottle here. >n Campus Pond There is an open umbrella nearby. >w Pleasant Street This is the main road through campus. The pond lies east, and a modern looking building sits on the west side of the road. University Ave splits off here to the north. >w University Health Services You are standing outside the University Health Center which serves the Five College area residents, students and non-students alike. You can enter to the west, or head east, back out to Pleasant Street. >w Health Services Lobby The lobby is a functional area (read: dead boring), featuring a glass case filled with "Safe Sex" informational displays. Signs point out the convenient pharmacy to the west, the comfortable waiting room to the north, and the inviting exit to the east. >n Waiting Room They've really got it all here - old magazines, hardwood chairs, boring safe sex pamphlets, you name it. They've also got a sign pointing west to the skilled Doctor's office, and the refreshingly oxygen-rich lobby to the south. >wait Good idea. That's what you do when you're in a waiting room, right? Very soon after adopting your best slouching-in-the-chair-hoping-someone-will-notice-you posture, a nurse comes scuttling over. She makes you fill in a few forms and then announces, "Doctor Floyd will see you now." >w Doctor's Office Doctor's offices always have an air of sickness about them, which is just another bitter irony. Anyway, this is a fairly typical example of its species. Dr Floyd's degree is on the wall, and you also spot a jar of tongue depressors, some rubber gloves, lubricants, etc. You can get out to the east, if you run. Dr. Floyd is here, wearing a long white coat and sitting behind his desk. Dr. Floyd touches the end of his stethoscope with his finger. "Yeeeow! That's cold." >examine degree It says that Dr. Floyd graduated from the School Of Hard Knocks, class of '89. Come to think of it, on closer inspection, it looks like a novelty diploma you might find in a cereal box... and Dr. Floyd's name is written in in crayon! Ulp... Dr. Floyd makes a quick inspection of his tongue depressor jar. >doctor, examine me The doctor performs a few perfunctory examinations, some of which are best left undescribed. He eventually gets around to checking your heart rate and blood pressure at which points he exclaims, "Yow, a highly elevated pulse! Tell ya what, sport - get this prescription filled, and take two any time you feel stressed out." He quickly scribbles off a prescription and hands it to you. Dr. Floyd is standing by the door, waiting for you to leave. [Your score has just gone up by five points.] >e Doctor Floyd calls after you: "Hey, shut the door on your way out, OK sport?" Waiting Room >s Health Services Lobby >w Pharmacy The pharmacy area is predominantly populated by students waiting for diet pills, birth control pills, or tranquilizers (which they will take when either of the first two fail). A sign points out the beautifully manicured lobby to the east. A white-smocked pharmacist stands behind the window, waiting to help you. >give pharmacist prescription The pharmacist looks at the slip, sighs a bored sigh and comes back with a small paper packet which she hands to you. >e Health Services Lobby >e University Health Services >e Pleasant Street >n University Ave This is a smaller thoroughfare that winds its away around campus. Unfortunately, you're not going to be able to do a whole lot of winding with it because there is a police roadblock set up to the north. You can return to Pleasant Street to the south. Your caffeine buzz is wearing off. >eat valium You pop the pills and soon begin to feel much more relaxed. >n The cops are making you sweat a little, but you are able to slouch by in a sufficiently relaxed manner. One or two cops glance at you quickly, but don't see anything odd enough to rouse them out of their routine. Outside Flansburgh Dorm Flansburgh is in the more "modern" area of campus (which means that it was built in the 1960s and looks ridiculously dated now). You notice entirely too much brown mahogany trim, some more of that pathetic shubbery, and a door leading in to the east. >examine shrubbery You notice a small mound of dirt under a shrub, with a toothpick stuck in it. Knowing that this is a favorite trick of Keith's, you do a little experimental digging and unearth the incriminating address book! >take book Taken. >e Flansburgh Lobby The lobby is an airy and open space, dominated by a grand spiral staircase, which leads up and down. You can see a continuous hustle of activity happening above - cops are moving around and conversing at the top of the stairs. From above, your hear the policeman discussing Keith's arrest - apparently it's one of their bigger scores of late. >d Flansburgh Basement This is a sooty, smelly basement. Damp patches of mildew shine on the wall, reflecting the light of a naked, grime-coated, 60-watt bulb. A large trash incinerator is visible at the north end of the basement, about 50 feet away. >drink vial It burns slightly on the way down. After a few moments of disorientation, you begin to feel the effects of the strange chemical in your bloodstream lessening! In fact, you're just about as close to normal as you'll ever be. >drop vial Dropped. >n Flansburgh Basement This small corner of the basement is even grimier and smellier than the previous bit. At least it is warm and dry, mainly due to the presence of a huge trash incinerator. >open box You open the Cheech 'n' Chong lunch box, revealing a weighing scale, a sheet of high-powered blotter acid and a bong. >take acid,bong,scale sheet of high-powered blotter acid: Taken. bong: Taken. weighing scale: Taken. >put acid in incinerator You toss the sheet of high-powered blotter acid into the furnace with a jaunty backhand, and it's gone forever. You stumble for support... The antidote and the hallucinogenic agent are having a small skirmish inside your brain. Unfortunately, it appears that the hallucinogen is winning because you suddenly notice 17 lobsters in French Legion uniforms waving their antennae accusingly at you. [Your score has just gone up by twenty-five points.] >put bong in incinerator You toss the bong into the furnace with a jaunty backhand, and it's gone forever. [Your score has just gone up by twenty-five points.] >put scale in incinerator You toss the weighing scale into the furnace with a jaunty backhand, and it's gone forever. [Your score has just gone up by twenty-five points.] >put book in incinerator You toss the address book into the furnace with a jaunty backhand, and it's gone forever. [Your score has just gone up by twenty-five points.] >s Flansburgh Basement You can see an empty vial here. >u As you climb the stairs up to the lobby, a squad of policemen burst through the front door. You attempt to dodge, but it's too late - they've seen you! "Grab the little punk!" one of them says. They eye you with the detached interest of a dog contemplating a bone. "Tampering with evidence, I bet," the chief inspector says viciously. You are manhandled into the back of a van, and whisked away to the station. You are taken to a holding cell, where you remain for several hours. During this time, the strange chemical in your body wears off. Not long after this, some policemen enter the cell. One says, "I don't know how you did it, you little rat, but we've got nothing on you, and we can't hold you any longer." He spits out the words distastefully: "You're free to go." After having your possessions returned, you step out into the clear air of another crisp New England fall day to find Keith waiting for you in his beat-up Ford. "Dude! Am I ever glad to see you! My lawyer got me probation, so I'm clear for now." You smile in relief. Keith grins wickedly. "So, you wanna go smoke a fatty?" *** You have won *** In that game you scored 158 out of a possible 154, in 252 turns. * * * Breakdown of Score 5 Gaining access to the Dining Commons 5 Eating the food served in the Dining Commons 10 Gaining access to the Bursar's Office 5 Obtaining a hotel room key 5 Getting a tape away from the Jesus Freak 4 Obtaining a Cheech and Chong lunch box 19 Getting a scale away from the Republican 5 Obtaining a prescription for Valium 25 Destroying a sheet of high-powered blotter acid 25 Destroying a bong 25 Destroying a weighing scale 25 Destroying an address book